Diving Into the Unknown


I realize it has been three very long weeks of no online dating posts which continue the saga of me and Brendan, and I promise to get back to the story soon. However, as I searched my journals this week for some specific information for this book I am working on about us — Confessions of Two Online Daters-The Miracle of Us (working title), I came across an analogy of our dating relationship (especially at the beginning) that seems worth sharing.

This is the excerpt from my journal:

“Do I feel drawn to continue this because I want to create something that isn’t possible, or because You have created something that through You is? It seems easy to say Hey, just one e-mail at a time, but my heart is getting dragged so quickly into it all. It’s not like I’m afraid of anything really–You have protected me in every situation. I guess it’s just how quickly I jump once I believe I should. How does one take a slow descent instead?

I picture the Grand Canyon and flying off the edge – exhilaration, beauty, excitement, a good bit of fear and not really knowing for sure how you’ll land; then there’s the mule ride in a slow descent to the bottom, still fun and a bit fear-inducing, but also slow and a little tedious or even boring.

I feel like this is both at the same time. One slow step at a time, but diving into the unknown and impossibilities. You have to take me only one step at a time when I want to jump and fly.”

Well, I believed flying to Australia was God’s plan for us, but when I arrived at the airport, it’s not like at that instant we rode off in a pumpkin carriage to our palace and lived happily ever after. Yes, we drove off to paradise – Surfer’s to be exact, but even in that first trip that felt like the next Grand Canyon mule step/diving off the edge into the unknown, our romantic thrills collided with some challenging realities.

Within a few hours of our arrival, Brendan’s mother-in-law, Monica, called and reminded Brendan of their plans for her to watch the children that evening so Brendan could attend a school function. Talk about harsh reality in the middle of romance land! In-laws and children all in one night! Brendan had lost his mother at a young age, so his late wife’s mother had filled that empty spot in his life. However, that meant that my potential “mother-in-law” was really the mother of Brendan’s first wife. No matter how we looked at it, the situation was awkward for all of us.

Ashley and I ended up spending the evening with the kids and their grandmother while Brendan went to their school. Monica kindly chatted and asked questions about our trip even in the midst of what I’m sure must have felt difficult for her as we sat in her daughter’s home. Fortunately, the subject of Poland came up as she immigrated to Australia from there, and I had visited where she once lived. It seemed miraculous to me that we had a connection that made a way for us in a less than comfortable situation. God knew. What seemed like diving off the edge of a cliff actually turned out to be the safest route because our unknown is known by God.

And that’s only part of the story…


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