Two weeks before my subscription ran out, a guy’s profile captured my attention. The first thing I noticed was his smile. The next was his honesty about his relationship with the Lord and his struggles in that area. And, by the time I finished reading what he had written I had become thoroughly enraptured with his sense of humor, finding it fun, engaging and intriguing as well as a little silly which endeared me to him since for me life requires a bit of silliness. Finally, he had three fairly young children and had been widowed. At this point I’d like to put up on your mental movie screen the caption “TWO YEARS EARLIER” and take you back into the past to another part of the puzzle God was piecing together…
I remember lying on my bed talking to the Lord as is my usual morning routine before rising. As I asked him again what his plans were for my future in regards to love and marriage, I felt an urging in my heart that he had for me, somewhere out there in the world far away, a man whose wife had passed away leaving him with raising his children alone. My heart quickened, tears welling up in my eyes as I considered the plight of this individual whom I did not know. Additionally, I was moved because for years I had attempted, unsuccessfully, to silence the longings in my heart for additional children. My prayers had been for God to remove this selfish, crazy longing. After all, I reasoned, I had already raised four wonderful kids to adulthood and was grandmother to two delightful children. At my age, wasn’t it ludicrous to imagine raising another set of children? And yet, when I sensed this potential promise from the Lord, it reached deep into my heart and pulled up those poorly squelched desires.
“Really, Lord?” I whispered toward the ceiling.
It’s not like God’s voice boomed thunderously through my bedroom, rather I simply sensed a deep certainty within myself. So, I gave it back to him, praying for this man and his children wherever they may be. I didn’t have any idea who they were or even if I had ‘heard’ the Lord correctly. Maybe it was just my own silly, foolish thoughts and dreams teasing me. But I knew that time would tell if it was in fact a reality God had in store for me. So after that, every time I thought about it, I would pray for this hurting family, whoever they were. I prayed for comfort, encouragement, wisdom, and help with parenting. A few times I cried at the thought of what he might be experiencing with the loss of a spouse and trying to hold his family together as a single dad. I prayed for the children as well not even comprehending how they would be coping with losing their mother. I had no idea what God’s plans included, but I kept praying, “Please do your will Lord, and make me able to wait patiently while you do.”
Fast forward to current time again. As I read this man’s personal information, I pondered that previous “promise” from the Lord. I found the answers he had written to the prompted profile questions hilariously funny. For example in response to perfect job description he had listed “International spy, of course, Moneypenny.” I was captivated, and felt greatly disappointed that he had not yet finished his profile questions. Feeling rather foolish and a bit wistful, after perusing his profile uncountable times, I logged out.