Some days are okay, but most are almost unbearable; like today when I am alone, feeling the weight of my decision to move on and the severity of my family’s situation. I feel extremely isolated and some days my heart hurts so badly. I can’t believe this is how my life has turned out. A new start at my age??
The words above were taken from one of my journals during the months following my final separation from my ex-husband. I still had so much to learn about myself, and God had so much more healing for me in the years to come. I’m still in progress.
During those years, I began to recognize the lies that dictated my life. Lies like:
- I am of no value.
- I am powerless.
- I have no voice.
- I am an object for another’s sexual pleasure.
- If I love someone, I must allow them to mistreat me.
- I can’t look at Jesus’ face because I am ashamed.
- I have to do whatever someone else wants even if I don’t feel safe.
- My husband is looking elsewhere for sex because I’m not a good enough wife.
- I am never enough.
- Everything wrong is my fault, and it’s my responsibility to fix it.
- If I feel frustrated or cry, I must not be trusting God enough.
- Performing sexually proves my worth.
- If I was more (or less) _________, I would be loved.
- I will feel loved if I have sex.
- I am valuable to him. (Zephaniah 3:17)
- God gave me a spirit of power. (2 Timothy 1:7)
- I have a voice. (Psalm 66:19 & Romans 9:1)
- No one should use me to satisfy their lust. (I Thessalonians 4:3-8)
- God is not happy when someone mistreats me. (Zechariah 2:8-9)
- We can confidently approach Jesus. (Hebrews 4:16)
- I am only responsible for my own actions. (Romans 14:12)
- Feelings and crying are part of who we are. Even Jesus cried. (John 11:35)
- Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. That isn’t only about sex. (Ephesians 5:25-33)
- Love comes from God, not from sex. (Jeremiah 31:3; I John 4:19)
Perhaps you have believed the same lies, but haven’t realized you’re enslaved to them. For every lie I believed, God offered me the truth, and I began to live again. I believe he wants to do the same for you.What are lies you’ve believed? What truth have you learned? Have you started over, or would you like to?