I heard another story of a brokenhearted woman this week.
Hard circumstances followed her through life and relationships never seemed to turn out right. Deceived by men over the years, she wondered if anyone would ever love her purely, rightly, completely—at all. She hates the life she’s found herself trapped in, but doesn’t know how she got there or how to get out. Despairing and lonely, this woman cries out to God asking “what’s wrong with me?”
Her name could be Susan or Jane or Crystal. Or Fantine from Les Miserables.
While the women have different names, the story is the same. Sexually abused as girls or young women, we now search in vain for true love and acceptance. Our hearts live in a confused, turmoiled state of unrest, if not every day outwardly, at least in the secret depths of our souls.
As grown women, we wonder why we feel targeted or lost; why we can’t find a good man or keep any; and why compulsion or addiction rules us. We question our sanity and worth. The only value we seem to possess is derived from doing enough, making enough money or offering our sexuality as a sacrifice for “love.” Sometimes it’s the same thing.
I was such a woman.
Now I long to reach out and grab hold of each one whose eyes hold deep secrets. I want to say I understand. It’s not your fault. You didn’t imagine these twisted nightmares or create such craziness. Perhaps you don’t remember anything but bits and pieces of tortured pleasure; or maybe you’re haunted with images you wish would disappear forever.
The bottom line is that sexual abuse creates an emotional, spiritual, mental and physical environment for the repetition of a broken, abusive life.
It may be that you are stuck in a relationship with someone who is abusive, or that you abuse yourself with cutting or food or drugs. You may have deeply related health issues. Perhaps you have found a wonderful man who is kind and loving, but you can’t allow yourself to believe he actually loves you. You may visit your abuse on your children through the same type of circumstances you endured, or in eruptions of rage that fly from you unbidden, unexpected and unwanted.
Whatever your situation, I am so sorry it happened to you.
Hope seems non-existent, but I promise it is there. God’s heart breaks with yours and longs to unravel and redeem all the broken, hurting places of confusion and pain. It may seem impossible. It may take a long time. The truth seems lost in the lies, but light shines in the darkness; there is hope for you. Cry out to Jesus. He hears. He answers. He heals.
If you’ve started on the journey to wholeness, don’t quit.
So many times I’ve wanted to give up. I’ve felt that the deepest issues couldn’t change in me. I’ve often cried in despair (even recently) thinking that no healing was available for the tiniest cracks in my heart. But Jesus doesn’t let go. In the darkest moments of confusion and pain, he holds me close and comforts me if I let him. He whispers,
I love you, truly. Don’t despair. I’m everything you need. Rest in me. Be still because I am God. I created the entire universe and I am holding you right now. You will be alright.” Jesus
Laura Bennet - Author 
beautiful beautiful beautiful laurra…this was particularly poignant as i am hurting some more as i read out book and more memories have come up, making me feel will the pain ever end…
LikeLike
Ahh…healing is such a difficult journey sometimes. I will continue to pray for you my friend. Thank you for your kind words. I hope you feel Jesus wrapping his arms around you.
LikeLike
I have such big SMILES after reading your post!!! You are where you need to be–please continue to help those who need this–including me…
I have been there and know. It was like wanting/needing love and believing that I could give in order to receive but it doesn’t work that way. For me, I lost respect for myself.
May your heart continue to heal and may you continue to do God’s will. 😀 Please take care!
LikeLike
Thank you so much for your comment! I’m so sorry you have experienced these things. Yes, we do lose respect for ourselves, don’t we? I pray you will be healed as well. You are so loved, truly!
Thank you for your encouragement. If even one person is helped even a little, I am so glad!
May God bless you in great ways this coming New Year. 🙂
LikeLike
May God bless and comfort you in publishing this post. I was once a sexual predator and at times still feel an inclination to revert back to my past ways even after 40+ years. I have really no way of righting the hurt I caused but to apologize and confess my sin. Can Christ heal a sexual predator or abuser? The answer is yes. Then so to He can bring comfort to the abused.
The shame is on me – (and other sexual abusers) – not the one abused. I lay my sins at the cross of Christ and pray that all who have suffered under such as I will find comfort and healing in Him.
LikeLike
Thank you so much for your comments. Thank you for your candid honesty. You are so right–God hears and heals everyone regardless of their broken places! Addictions have such power and the bondage that Satan begins in us by some trauma has a relentless hold. I’m sorry you still feel the pull of that. I confess I have situations where I have been freed but that often try to grip me still. I will pray for you in this. Can I offer a thought? Jesus promises us that there is no condemnation or shame in him when we confess. Therefore I would say there is no shame for you. Satan lures us into something and then shames us for giving into his persuasion. I’m sorry you have had that struggle. I would venture to guess that at some point in your life, you experienced the pain of being abused which opened a door for your abusing others. May God reveal and heal your pain as well!
Your comments mean so much. Thank you.
LikeLike