Getting Well Part 4 – Can You Ask for Help?

Posted on by Laura Bennet

We were never intended to figure out life on our own.IMG_3524

I had been one to isolate myself, but this wasn’t God’s plan. When Jesus asks us if we want to get well and offers to instruct us in the ways to healing, he doesn’t say,

Great! Good for you. Have fun figuring that out.

His intention is for other people to be part of our life. Relationships help us in and through our struggles. He wants us to seek people who truly want our best and are willing to tell us the truth even when it may feel painful to us. Only those who are willing to walk alongside us without their own interests, judgments and conclusions will benefit us in healing. Jesus is patient, kind and merciful so we will find the most help through those who treat us like he does.

I had a terrible time asking people for help.

When I was young, a prevailing sentiment in our home was that no one needed to know what went on there. Granted, no one wants to announce to the entire world the intimate workings of their home life. But when secrets are kept due to their inappropriate nature, we may learn to gloss over the truth or simply keep quiet. To tell someone about what happens in our home may feel betraying to us. For me, some things were too shameful to talk about. Other situations were not taken seriously by those whose protection I needed. As a result, later in life, it felt wrong or ineffective for me to ask for help. Even from someone I knew I could trust.

Wasn’t I burdening someone if I asked for their help?

I assumed that people would be too busy to have me bother them. But that wasn’t true. Naturally there is a boundary for inconsiderately calling someone anytime about everything, but choosing to take help that is offered shows wisdom and humility. I had to learn the difference and be willing to seek advice from those who offered to give it.

There are great benefits from getting help!

Trusted friends were able to:

  • Pray on my behalf—especially when I was too overwhelmed or weary.
  • Keep me accountable in the areas I wanted to change.
  • Share their stories of healing that encouraged me.
  • Give me different perspectives so I could think in better ways.
  • Cry with me when I was suffering.
  • Remind me of God’s greatness and ability to do what seemed impossible to me.
  • Celebrate with me when God did great things and led me in new freedom.

Some people may think they have all the answers for us.

They base their advice on what they expect or want for themselves rather than what is best for us. When we’re used to unhealthy relationships, it may be difficult to discern those situations. But someone who truly loves us will put us first; ask how they can serve us; offer suggestions while allowing us the freedom to accept it only if it fits for us; support us in every choice whether they feel it’s good or bad; listen much and talk less; and tell us the truth about who we are not who they want us to be for them.

Learning to get the right help will enable us to get well sooner. Having genuine support makes the journey more bearable. I’m so thankful to those who gave of their lives to make mine a better one.

What about you? Is there someone who truly helps you? Are you still learning to ask for help? Can I help you?
While nothing can replace spending time with an actual person, I still have found these resources to be a great source of help in my journey of healing:

The Bondage Breaker by Neil Anderson

When the Woman You Love Was Abused by Dawn Scott Jones

Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers (fiction)

The Bible – nothing is as powerful as God’s word 🙂

 

10 thoughts on “Getting Well Part 4 – Can You Ask for Help?”

  1. Thoughtful, helpful post, Laura. Whether we need help for ourselves or for someone we love, this all applies. It’s also a lovely reminder that we’re not in this alone, and others will help us.

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    1. Lol! When I wrote it, I wondered if it was an era type situation or just mine. Glad (?) to know I’m not alone. Maybe that was one of the secrets and we’re actually sisters but never knew it! 🙂

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  3. As someone who also lives in secrets and worries about burdening others, not asking for help when needed is a big flaw of mine. Thank you for reminding me about the possibilities that come with using the guidance of others. I agree that life probably was not meant to be lived alone. If we were meant to be alone, I don’t think there would be six billion people (and that’s just humans) in the world.
    –JW

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    1. Thanks for your comment! I’m glad you found the post helpful. Your comment also reminded me of something our pastor said recently. He suggested that whether we are someone in need of help or someone available to offer help, our role of relationship is important. If I don’t ask (offer my need role) then the one who has help to offer misses out just as much as if someone doesn’t offer to help another in need. That perspective was so different than what I had thought before. But it made sense to me. How can we give if no one asks for help? What do you think?

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      1. That’s very true. I think I sometimes hold myself to a double standard. Like, it is always okay for others to ask for help because they have a lot going on in their lives, but it is not okay for me to ask for help, becaue it shows my weakness? Yet that is a contradiction to my other idea, which is treating everyone equally. I like that idea that asking for help can be just as much of a giving act.
        –JW

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        1. I think you’re right. We do fear being thought of as weak, don’t we? But what if we’re actually showing courage to ask? You’ve summed it up well in saying “asking for help can be just as much as a giving act.” Thanks for your thoughts. 🙂

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