Laura Bennet – Author

The other day I decided to hunt around some blogs sharing their internet dating stories. I love to hear stories of people who have met the love of their life online. It confirms the legitimacy of online dating and the validity of it as a viable option for finding one’s soul mate.

Unfortunately, I didn’t find any. What I found were numerous blogs about looking for sex online. And the discouraged seekers wondered why they couldn’t seem to connect with anyone in a real relationship.

It made me sad.

Our society has duped us into believing that sex and love are equivalent entities. But sex does not equal love, and those who believe it does are left in lonely puzzlement.

I read a portion of a blog that related a dating experience in which a conversation regarding the size of breasts was the compelling reason for a date. Another confused soul was thrilled about the sex they were having as a result of online searches, but lamented their inability to find someone interested in a serious relationship. Seriously.

How unfortunate that we’ve bought the lie.

Sex wasn’t intended for entertainment. Beginning with it leaves us with nowhere to go except into more extreme expressions of it or onto the next person. This even starts in junior high! Twelve year olds “go out” with each other because of a physical attraction (that boy/girl is cute). Their relationship consists of hugging and kissing. No real conversations about who they are (or becoming), no real friendship, no hanging out except for the entertainment of making out.

Love making is intended as an act of consummation between two who have already come to know each other intimately through conversation, shared experiences and time spent enjoying each others company. It is a fulfillment physically of an emotional, mental and spiritual bond. No wonder people feel empty and alone. Physically satisfied perhaps, but emotionally left wanting.

Casual sex may seem satisfying if you haven’t experienced actual love making.

The culmination of joining together in every way is a far greater experience than simply hooking up for the physical pleasure. Great sex can be had for a drink, but a great relationship requires an investment of time which can eventually lead to even greater sex. According to an article in the Huffington Post, married folks have better and more frequent sex. No wonder. Sex was intended for married couples. It makes sense that many singles are frustrated with their relationship situation, or lack thereof.

This isn’t about morality.

This is about a great plan gone horribly wrong and leaving in its wake confusion, loneliness and frustration. Both my husband and I can attest to the fact that following the “way of the world” in this area left us feeling lost and lonely in our pasts, but changing our way of thinking and focusing on relationships rather than on physical satisfaction changed the parameters of who we met and spent time with.

Perhaps people would find the availability and quality of relationship more what they long for if they reconsider what they are truly looking for and why. For us, it was well worth the shift in focus, even if it meant sifting through those who hadn’t, and waiting for the right person who wanted more than a sexual experience.