What Are You Looking for?


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The other day I decided to hunt around some blogs sharing their internet dating stories. I love to hear stories of people who have met the love of their life online. It confirms the legitimacy of online dating and the validity of it as a viable option for finding one’s soul mate.

Unfortunately, I didn’t find any. What I found were numerous blogs about looking for sex online. And the discouraged seekers wondered why they couldn’t seem to connect with anyone in a real relationship.

It made me sad.

Our society has duped us into believing that sex and love are equivalent entities. But sex does not equal love, and those who believe it does are left in lonely puzzlement.

I read a portion of a blog that related a dating experience in which a conversation regarding the size of breasts was the compelling reason for a date. Another confused soul was thrilled about the sex they were having as a result of online searches, but lamented their inability to find someone interested in a serious relationship. Seriously.

How unfortunate that we’ve bought the lie.

Sex wasn’t intended for entertainment. Beginning with it leaves us with nowhere to go except into more extreme expressions of it or onto the next person. This even starts in junior high! Twelve year olds “go out” with each other because of a physical attraction (that boy/girl is cute). Their relationship consists of hugging and kissing. No real conversations about who they are (or becoming), no real friendship, no hanging out except for the entertainment of making out.

Love making is intended as an act of consummation between two who have already come to know each other intimately through conversation, shared experiences and time spent enjoying each others company. It is a fulfillment physically of an emotional, mental and spiritual bond. No wonder people feel empty and alone. Physically satisfied perhaps, but emotionally left wanting.

Casual sex may seem satisfying if you haven’t experienced actual love making.

The culmination of joining together in every way is a far greater experience than simply hooking up for the physical pleasure. Great sex can be had for a drink, but a great relationship requires an investment of time which can eventually lead to even greater sex. According to an article in the Huffington Post, married folks have better and more frequent sex. No wonder. Sex was intended for married couples. It makes sense that many singles are frustrated with their relationship situation, or lack thereof.

This isn’t about morality.

This is about a great plan gone horribly wrong and leaving in its wake confusion, loneliness and frustration. Both my husband and I can attest to the fact that following the “way of the world” in this area left us feeling lost and lonely in our pasts, but changing our way of thinking and focusing on relationships rather than on physical satisfaction changed the parameters of who we met and spent time with.

Perhaps people would find the availability and quality of relationship more what they long for if they reconsider what they are truly looking for and why. For us, it was well worth the shift in focus, even if it meant sifting through those who hadn’t, and waiting for the right person who wanted more than a sexual experience.

What has your experience been with internet dating? What are you looking for?

9 thoughts on “What Are You Looking for?

  1. I totally agree. I think the problem lies in the media, portraying relationships that exist only for that reason. They show television shows of teens dating, stating “so and so is cute.” Our children are watching these things and thinking that this is the correct way to go about a relationship. No wonder you hear about so many relationships not working out.

    Sex has become a big part in our society now, and people believe it is the same as love, as you stated. Having a good honest relationship would be a much more satisfying than one built on lust. It’s more interesting being a with a person who has substance, one who you can share deep and meaningful conversations with. Thank you for posting this, it was a good read!

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    1. Thank you so much! I’m glad you liked it and I appreciate your viewpoint as well. I agree you stating that television portrays these things in the same manner. In part, it sells. Many people want to see this and have come to expect it, but it saddens me that the end result is disappointment. Setting our hope on something that can never truly satisfy leaves us empty. Thank you for your comments!

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    1. Yes, I agree. Unfortunately, it’s shallow entertainment with so many destructive layers. Easy to buy into something that “seems” good at the time. Been there. Thank you for your comments!

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  2. hello Laura!
    You have a really healthy view on that matter!
    But don’t be dissapointed: I think there are a lot of people that met through online dating and are happy, but just searching for blogs stating to be happy and not finding any is not proving that thesis wrong.
    I mean if I was in a happy relationship where I could share everything, I probably wouldn’t spend time in the internet to talk about it, I would live!
    Unfortunately we only hear the voices of those that are not finding what they are searching for and cry for help. those that are content with things the way they are and don’t make a fuss about it.

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