Tag: guilt

God is Not Mad at You

May 28, 2022

When hard things, bad experiences, challenging situations occur, how often do we wonder if maybe God is angry with us? Did he cause the problem? Allow it to teach us something so we’ll finally get our act together?

I’ve entertained these thoughts.

I used to wonder if God was disappointed in me or angry because I did something wrong or bad again. Was he punishing me? Judging my behavior and actions?

If I could just do better, would my life work out or would things become easier?

A couple of messages I recently heard, along with what I’ve learned is true about God reminded me of a most important truth.

God is not mad at us.

It’s true that evil brings up his righteous anger. He is a just God and does not tolerate injustice. He hates what hurts us and his children who he loves.

That’s you and me.

One day, those who don’t want anything to do with him will answer to him. We will have to account for our actions. But that day isn’t today.

Today, God is calling to us in love.

He sent Jesus to carry all the sin on him. Every bad, wrong, evil word, thought, and action. Because God loves us and wants us to be reconciled to him. To live with him forever in peace and his glorious presence.

The Bible tells us that while we were still sinners, he made a way for us to come into his presence. Through Jesus. Because of his grace for us. Jesus died so we could be righteous. When we accept his gracious gift of taking on our sins, we can stand in the presence of God covered with Christ’s righteousness.

Because God isn’t mad at us. He loves us.

The enemy will tell us we aren’t worthy.

True. That’s why Jesus died in our place. To make us worthy.

The enemy will accuse us of needing to be perfect to approach God.

Jesus grants us his perfection so we can go boldly to God.

The enemy lies about us and who God created us to be.

But we are God’s creation, children—he calls us a royal priesthood!

It’s time to stop listening to the accuser. Stop agreeing with a liar. Quit entertaining shame and guilt.

Acknowledge the truth that we aren’t good on our own, but gratefully accept Jesus’s sacrifice for us and turn our hearts humbly toward God.

He delights in us. Sings over us. Embraces us.

When I run to him, even in my sin, he welcomes me and reminds me that he knew and had a plan for that.

He’s not angry. He rejoices.

Now, that’s good news!

RACHEL’S SON

March 19, 2018

Rachel's Son Book Cover (2)An Easter story of redemption

Rachel’s only son, two-year-old Micah, is slaughtered by Roman soldiers searching for the prophesied Messiah, sending her life on a trajectory of angry bitterness and further devastation.

Titus, a Roman soldier, harbors a terrible secret and would do anything to rid himself of the guilt he carries. But when circumstances force him to revisit the place of his treacherous deed he can’t reveal the truth.

Unexpectedly thrown together, Rachel and Titus both seek peace, but finding it with each other isn’t enough. Only an encounter with Jesus can force them to face the trauma of their past.

Will Titus release the burden he’s concealed? And what will it take for Rachel to forgive the Forgiver and find life again?

How to Move Forward by Turning Around

July 25, 2017

DSC_0247

The other day on my way to an appointment, I completely missed the street I was supposed to turn on. I had been looking for it, but as I chatted with my passenger, I became distracted and drove right past my turn off.

A couple of miles down the road, an uneasiness rumbled in my stomach.

Could I have not seen the street?

I mentioned to my friend my confusion and the street I had been looking for. “Oh, it’s back there. Right after the bridge.”

No way.

How did I get so mixed up that I missed it?

Naturally, I turned around as soon as possible and went back to the place I made my mistake. Within minutes, I was heading the right direction, anxiety gone. From that point, my friend and I navigated to our destination.

The incident reminded me of repentance.

It’s a word most of us don’t like. We cringe and pull away from the idea of it maybe recalling a man yelling on a street corner about us going somewhere awful.

But the word actually means to turn back or turn around.

We can think of it as changing our mind. Not continuing to think the way we’ve been thinking.

Changing our direction.

Like in my story, a few things can get us headed in the wrong direction:

  • We may be easily distracted and get off track.
  • We may make a mistake in ignorance and miss the mark.
  • We may believe that our way is right or best even though we are wrong.

The good news is that God is faithful to help us discover our blunder by:

  • That uneasy feeling in our heart or mind – it alerts us to stop and check things.
  • Someone points out our mistake.
  • We end up stuck at a dead end or lost and confused.

When we see our dilemma, God offers help and relief not judgment. The quicker we are to acknowledge our mistake, and turn around, the sooner we will find peace. The correct road opens up, and we are moving forward in life again.

Here are some indications we are repentant people:

  • If we’re willing to say “I was wrong.”
  • If we’re willing to be corrected.
  • If we are horrified by what we have done – acknowledging the damage or potential hurt to God, ourselves and others who may be affected by our choice.
  • If we don’t get stuck in beating ourselves up. True repentance removes our sin and the guilt.
  • If we are willing to let go of our wrong conclusion and embrace truth in its place.
  • If we don’t presume that we’re simply misunderstood and can make others believe our misconception if we just keep telling them enough times.
  • If we are willing to accept consequences of our wrong choices.

God encourages us to make a U-turn.

He wants us to have a good journey and end up in good places. So much so that if we keep on the wrong path, he will allow the pressure of consequences to turn us away from something that will end up hurting us worse than the pain of the situation.

At one point in my life, I hated the idea of repentance.

Being wrong about anything brought shame, condemnation and meant awful things would happen to me so I determined at a young age that I simply couldn’t ever be wrong. Obviously that didn’t work out very well. All of us make mistakes for any number of reasons and denying that we do drags us into stuck dead-end roads in life. I confess it’s not always easy to change our mind and go a different way. But if we want to move forward in life, it’s a choice we must make.Fruitful-Repentance-500x500-B

This resource, Fruitful Repentance by Daniel Brown, is what helped change my thinking.

I guess that means it helped me repent.

 

I Don’t Hate Sex

October 27, 2012

It was a startling revelation to realize that I don’t hate sex.

In fact, making love with my husband, who adores me and treats me with tender kindness, continues to be a wonderful, fulfilling, intimate event that thrills me. Who would have thought? Not I. That is a testimony to my husband, but even more to the healing power of God in my life. I once believed the lies engrained in my heart that told me I was a shameful object only worthy if I could perform well sexually. I accepted the claims that I was a prude, frigid hater of sex.

It isn’t the act of lovemaking as the result of an intimate relationship we hate, it’s the feelings of shame, hurt, rejection, loneliness and often times, physical pain that we hate. In the setting of living with an addict, sex can become a terrible chore we fear. Especially if any kindness shown us comes with a price tag of sex.

Is it surprising that we would avoid sex like that?

In a healthy marriage, intimacy is the basis for sex. Knowing the depth of our spouse and longing to connect with them creates an environment conducive to a physical union being enjoyable and fulfilling. However, for a sex addict to keep their fantasy in place and alleviate their shame, they avoid intimacy. Because of deception and secrecy, we are left only guessing who they really are. Often, the intimate information we share with them is used against us to gain or keep control over us. Obviously, we become reluctant to offer any more of ourselves.

Without intimacy, women especially, have a difficult time giving themselves sexually.

When there is only pain and unresolved conflict, our desire for physical intimacy is destroyed. This leads to emotional detachment in order to avoid feelings of being used. We may truly desire to share intimate relations with our spouse, but as they push us away emotionally while demanding of us sexually, the conflict in our heart leads us to despair.

When a wife can’t meet the needs of her fantasy driven spouse, guilt drives her.

If we say no to sex because we feel like an object, we feel guilty for not meeting his needs. (Especially as Christian wives!) If we go along with his requests, we feel the guilt of giving ourselves without attachment.  We may feel guilty for not loving him well, or enabling his addiction; but which is which? Guilt confuses the lines of boundaries, making us unable to function and driving us into depression.

All of this can lead us to seek fulfillment from other areas.

When our marriage lacks trust, intimacy and enjoyment,  it’s easy to pursue meaning and satisfaction through other means. Our children may become our emotional stability, or our work, hobbies, friends, food, shopping; we may even turn to alcohol, drugs, or adulterous relationships to feel better about ourselves and our lives. Unfortunately, that fix is temporary and can end up setting patterns that will eventually destroy us and others we love.

Life with an addict becomes survival, not living.

We struggle to get through a day, coping with a world that spins out of control. Those around us may not notice that we are barely holding on. If we believe in God, we probably wonder where he is, or perhaps we feel we haven’t figured out the right formula to make him able to change things for us. Living with an addict is not living; it is dying slowly and painfully. Most of the time we have done such a good job of pretending life is normal that no one around us suspects we are in danger of bleeding to death.

…say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come…

Isaiah 35:4

If you or someone you know is dealing with a similar situation, God is there and can help. Please comment below or email me privately at laurabennet14@gmail.com