journey – Laura Bennet

Rebuilding Trust in Marriage

October 26, 2022

Honeymoon 2009 – the younger version of us!

Let’s be honest. Marriage is hard work.

We all love the “fall in love” romance, but at some point after the honeymoon (or maybe during it), we’re faced with the reality of making this thing called marriage work beyond the wedding.

For most relationships, past messes, sin, and broken places in our hearts get triggered by our spouse causing misunderstandings. Without proper help, those can lead to situations that make the marriage seem doomed. Maybe we end up in a season of not being able to communicate without hurting each other more deeply. Or perhaps one spouse, or both, have sought other situations or relationships that have broken the trust of their spouse.

No matter what your current situation or how devastated you feel, there is hope for rebuilding.

God is always about reconciliation, redemption, and restoration of relationship. He created that for us through Jesus and will make a way for us in every relationship we have.

When my husband and I separated due to multiple circumstances that led to us inflicting constant pain on each other, God helped us find our way into coming back together in a healthier, stronger way.

Here are some steps that helped us navigate the restoration and supporting verses:

Decide on a brand-new start. Start at zero to rebuild trust. Recognize, confess, and address the problems that got you to this place. Nothing hidden, covered over, or minimized. It’s okay if you still need to work through some issues, but be honest about what they are—whether they are seemingly small (little “white” lies) or something significant like addictions or affairs. (Gal.1:1-10 & 6:15; Eph.5:11)

Begin rebuilding by renewing your friendship. What is the foundation of your relationship? Sex can’t sustain a relationship. Both of you being committed to Jesus first and then each other will lead to a solid foundation. Look at this time apart as a courtship. (2 Cor.6:14-18; Eph.5:25-27; I Thes.4:3-8)

Speak the truth plainly and in love. No distortion or manipulation of words—not your own, each other’s, or God’s. Recognize that the enemy is the accuser and deceiver and choose to take no part in any form of exaggeration, misrepresentation, or deception. (Gal.2:3-5; 2 Cor.4:2; John 5:39-47; Eph. 4:15; Col. 3:9)

Each of us are responsible for our own relationship with Christ. That relationship has to be the first priority. Neither one can judge or control the other one in this either. This isn’t a place to try and impress each other with what you aren’t really doing, or decide you know what the other one should be doing. Share only about your journey, and what will bless your spouse. (Gal.1:15-24 & 2:6-10; 2 Cor.5:9-10; 1 John 1:4 & 3:9-10; James 5:16)

Confession and forgiveness. We have to own our own mess and be willing to confess it as well as repent of it. Change within us and in our relationships only occurs when we can honestly see the bad and have a sincere desire to turn around and go a different way. We should be quick to apologize to our spouse when we are in the wrong and not wait for them to have to point something out. Not to say that when they or someone else we trust sees something hurting us or others and gently points it out, we shouldn’t be open to receiving their insight. If we are confronted with something, accept it and pray about it. If there is a question about whether our spouse’s perspective is accurate, ask a couple of trusted, objective parties like a pastor or friend to confirm or help us see if there is truth to their perception. When our spouse is the one admitting faults, we should extend forgiveness freely. Jesus has forgiven all of us so we must learn to forgive ourselves and others just as he has done for us. (Col.3:13-14; 2 Cor.10-11; Gal.4:15-16; I John 4:6; Jude 10))

Be sincere. When we do something positive with or for our spouse, it has to be from the heart and not simply a way to gain their approval, affection, or reciprocated behavior. (Gal.3:1-4; 4:18 & 5:1-3; Col. 3:17; I Tim.1:5)

Use kind, quiet, gentle words. Be respectful of each other, family members, and others. If either of you feel your heart rate increase in frustration, take deep breaths and ask for a few minutes (or as long as it takes) to calm down. Make sure you specify when you think you can continue so as not to leave your spouse hanging and feeling abandoned. You might say something like, “I think I need some time to calm down and sort out my thoughts and feelings. Can you give me fifteen minutes?” Or “Can we try again after dinner?” (Eph.5:19-20; Phil.2:14; I Peter 3:7)

Be accountable to someone you both trust outside your marriage so that you each know that another person is on the journey with you and with your spouse. (Col.1:28 & James 5:16)

Be partners in action by discussing finances, parenting, household, etc. (Phil.2:2-4)

It might help to repeat the declarations below regarding the process. Good boundaries help both spouses know what to expect for themselves and from the other.

“I am willing to pursue a friendship and see where it goes. I am willing to spend ______ time with you each day/week. I am willing to get outside help from our pastor or a counselor. I am willing to encourage you, pray for you, and seek God’s direction for our relationship. I will obey whatever God directs or instructs. I am willing to implement these actions and read the accompanying verses.”

You can add or take out whatever works for you and your spouse. Make it your own personal declaration based on the areas you need to outline.

Regardless of whether or not you’ve separated, you can use these tips to grow and strengthen your marriage every day. Soon, you’ll be reveling in the romance once again.

Coming Soon…

Beyond the Miracle: When the Fairy Tale Collides with Reality

Thirteen years after the miracle meeting, courtship, and fairy tale wedding of the author and her husband, Laura Bennet shares the raw story of the unforeseen and sometimes devastating trials they experienced and how God used those challenges to heal and grow each of them and their marriage. Heartfelt encouragement and caution for couples ready to tie the knot or for those who have come undone and wonder if there is hope. The miracles don’t end when you say “I do,” but they may not look like what you expected.

Moving Out, Moving On, Moving Up Part 5

December 5, 2021

Sometimes we just need to remember what really matters.

In the midst of waiting, confusion, confession, and learning to surrender it all, an unexpected reminder brings us to our knees in humble recognition of the main thing.

Jesus.

Last night, Brendan took our friend and me to see The Chosen Christmas movie. It was a good thing I had a pile of tissue in my purse. The two words that circled my mind during our time in the theater and long after were brilliant and anointed.

Not only is this a top-rate production from every aspect, but it also sent chills through us the entire time.

The music, from old classic Christmas hymns to what will be a couple of new favorites, was superbly done. Children and strings added another layer to the musical treat.

Interviews with the musicians gave us a glimpse into the reality of every day life framed with the message of Christmas.

Each season, we talk about the Christmas story, but never in my life have I ever seen anything like this portrayal. The Bible came alive.

And as if that wasn’t enough—truly, it would have been—in between the magnificent musical numbers and interviews were dramatic monologues given by some of the Chosen actors who spelled out God’s loving plan for the salvation of his children from the beginning of time through today.

It was an evening of awe, worship, and the stunned shaking of our heads at the incredible message handed to us in the most beautiful package.

I’m still marveling at the truth and simplicity of it all as well as the God-given inspiration, talent, and resources that made it happen.

We can’t wait to see it again. And again.

The most important part is that I was reminded of the magnitude of God and his love for us. That we have no way of comprehending his intricate plans for our good. And overall, nothing really matters except for having the most intimate relationship with Jesus who came to us as a baby to be crucified so that through his resurrection, we could be living eternally with our God.

In light of that, our current journey takes on a new meaning.

God has miracles for us. His plans, if we choose to accept them, lead us into great things that will open up the way for others to come to know him. And through it all, he draws us closer to him where we get glimpses of his heart of love for all of us.

What a tremendous reminder.

Today, everything looks different. And so does this Christmas season.

To be continued…

https://www.fathomevents.com/events/The-Chosen-Christmas

Moving Out, Moving On, Moving Up

December 1, 2021

Life can be an interesting journey.

These past few months have been especially challenging, intriguing, and edifying. I just looked up the word edifying to see if I used the best word.

Instructing; improving.
That educates, informs, illuminates or instructs.
That enlightens or uplifts.

Yep. That’s it.

We’ve definitely been instructed, improved, informed, illuminated, enlightened, and uplifted. All of the above.

As a matter of fact, it’s so much of all those things that I feel led to share it as it unfolds. Hopefully, you’ll find that our story leads you into some of the list above, but at the very least, may you find it entertaining.

The beginning of the story can be found in #3 miracle in my previous post. If you want the overall details of what began this moving story (no pun intended), you can read that post here.

After we lost our house in the auction that rocked us and left us questioning how God could direct us in doing the right thing only to have it blow up in our faces, we frantically began packing up our house.

I have to say right here that in the previous post, I described the miracle as we see it now. However, at the time, while we believed God must have a plan, and we said we were trusting him (and we were to the best of our ability), frantic does accurately describe how I felt. I confess that I lost it more than a couple of times during those three weeks.

That is because:

#1 – we didn’t know where we would go

#2 – we were being threatened by the new owner that any day a sheriff would throw us out

#3 – my physical limitations made packing difficult and painful

#4 – Brendan was working extremely long, physical hours in a town an hour away

#5 – we were working with a company to help us claim the money that was allegedly ours, but we didn’t know if we should trust the legal system (that had just burned us), and the company – to us and many others it seemed pretty unbelievable that these laws existed (see previous post)

On the night before the sheriff would show up at 7 a.m. the next morning, according to the very nice, and cautious (can you blame him these days?) officer who posted a notice on our front door, we were giving things away, selling items, and throwing whatever we could in the truck. We booked an extended stay hotel for a few days so we could figure out next steps.

That’s when the real fun began.

Brendan showed up to check us in around midnight. I had called the hotel earlier to let them know we would probably be checking in very late so they would be aware. An extremely helpful, kind young woman assured me it would be no problem and made a note at the front desk in case we arrived after she left at eleven.

All good, right?

Wrong.

The hotel wouldn’t allow us to stay there because we were locals.

I know. Crazy, right?

Apparently, there are hotels in the area which are frequented by local people involved in drug and sex trafficking so those establishments have decided that no one who lives within fifty miles can stay there. We don’t understand the logic.

Granted, Brendan in his sweaty, dirty, packing and loading a moving truck attire may have appeared less than respectable at the midnight hour, but still. Seriously?

Thankfully, God intervened in the form of a dear friend who rescued him, took me home to her house, and went back to finish loading the truck with him until 2 a.m. That is Jesus in action, my friends. She gave us her bed and slept on the couch!

We debriefed and rested for a few days at her home while she was on a family trip.

I cried a lot. Prayed even more. Okay, so maybe I cried more?

I don’t know. Don’t judge. Trusting Jesus is a process. Which is why I’m telling this story. Because where I was then and where I am now is miles apart.

Except the crying thing. Sad, happy, or moved with the Holy Spirit and my love for Jesus, I cry. I think my husband is finally learning to accept this.

During those days, we found a vacation rental and booked it for a month. We hadn’t found anything permanent. The market here is insane right now. Very few rentals with outrageous prices are snatched up within hours. Houses are selling at equally crazy prices.

The condo was a nice place on a lovely golf course ideally suited for Brendan and I with our youngest son. Those first couple of weeks went by without us finding anything to rent. We waited for the funds from our house sale.

Then we felt as if God said to stop looking. What? That made no sense to me. You need a place to live, you scan all the ads each day to find one. But it seemed that God had something different for us. It was a process for me to not look. Whenever a new listing popped up in my email, I’d look, then quickly delete it. Next time, I’d delete it sooner. Then one would seem good, and I’d check it out. For days, I fought the urge, gave up, gave in, and let a day go without succumbing. Finally, I surrendered and quit totally. Then the money from the house came through.

Coincidental? I don’t think so.

Since we asked the owner, and it seemed like the place was available, we assumed we would be able to extend our stay, but that didn’t end up working out. So we were on the move again.

Moving out, moving on, and moving up?

To be continued…

Everything is a Journey

October 22, 2018

I had my first book selling event this week.

It came about unexpectedly and plunged me into the next step on my writing journey. A step I’ve longed for, thought about and feared for years. Now, in hindsight, it seems foolish to have dreaded (with excited anticipation) my first book event.

I’m not one of those people who hate talking in front of others. Book selling and signing goes with the territory. I want more people to know about me as an author. So what was I (a little) freaked out about?

The logistics.

I’m not even sure why. I’m asking for divine help in answering that question. But I realize it happens almost every time I find myself in a new, unfamiliar setting or situation. I’m far better now, but it still unsettles me.

Can anyone relate?

Spending hours preparing by packing up, checking directions (a few times), re-reading instructions, listing needed items and imagining the trip or event several different ways. When I’m supposed to be getting much needed before-the-event sleep. Naturally.

Here’s the deal…

Even though I woke up with a migraine starting that morning, I quieted my heart in prayer and set about getting ready and to my destination. As I drove, I remembered that I had worked at a tuxedo shop a couple of decades ago so I attended numerous and regular wedding events. I also worked book tables for other authors.

I had experience after all. Go figure.

A nice man held the door for me as I lugged my box of books and such into the mall. Then it all came back to me once I started setting up. Arranging my books, cards and flyers was fun. I didn’t know what to expect, so I expected to wait and see what would transpire during the day.

Being at a mall, most of the sparse crowd came for specific purposes. Few stopped to browse. But both of my vendor neighbors were lovely ladies selling beautiful jewelry and handmade tote bags respectively.

We enjoyed some interesting and engaging conversation.

Later on, a couple of friends showed up to support me. I love connecting my friends who don’t know each other, but love me. Overall, I sold a few books, met some very nice people and ended up having a great experience.

All part of the journey.

It was a good day. Even the part when I drove out of the mall the wrong way and ended up circling a number of very long blocks to end up back where I started fifteen minutes later. Making mistakes is a part of learning.

I learned that everything is a journey.

We can keep moving ahead in spite of our fears or questions, or we can hold back and never start. Every new experience is just that–new. Which means we won’t know what to expect or what it will hold for us until we are participating in it.

But if we never take that first step into the unknown, we’ll never know. I’m so grateful for the experience. Every part of it (except that headache) ended up blessing me. And now I’ll be more confident the next time. I also want to keep pressing into what’s next.

Like a radio interview coming up this week.

I’m pretty excited in a nervous am-I-ready-for-this kind of way. I don’t feel ready, but I believe God opens doors at the right time. And sometimes he gives us a little nudge to walk through.

What step do you need to take today?

The Effects of Addiction Trauma

October 15, 2018

I’m not a trained or licensed counselor.

That’s my disclaimer. But I have read dozens of books, spent hundreds of hours in counseling and led groups dealing with addictions. Most importantly, I’ve experienced addiction in some way for the majority of my life. Either being addicted or living with one.

Here’s the simple truth.

Whether we live in addiction or live with an addict (usually it’s both), the trauma of that lifestyle imprints our being with carved patterns of unhealthy thinking and behavior. It warps our perspective so that our reality is skewed.

We cannot tell what is true.

Lest we think that by addiction I mean alcohol or drugs only, let’s be clear about the addiction to which I refer. We can become chemically addicted to drugs or alcohol, yes. And while those substances garner most attention, we can also be addicted to sex, gambling, shopping, food, control, cleanliness, fears, social media, television, reading, new ideas, extreme sports…basically anything that has mastery over us.

Whatever triggers the pleasure center of our brain and causes a rush of adrenaline or dopamine can become an addiction. In themselves, those hormones and chemicals are beneficial and help us in life, but when we’re hurting, either physically or emotionally, we can seek the release to ease our pain.

Too much of a good thing, as they say.

The downside is trauma induced by the repetition of addictive behavior. Without the hours of training or a state generated license, here’s part 1 of what this layperson has learned about the effects of addiction trauma.

*We don’t know what loving someone really means – Life becomes a struggle to keep others happy while trying to make them love us. This is not what love is all about. We shouldn’t have to make anyone love us. Covering for their indiscretions or making excuses for them (or them for us), taking the responsibility for their actions, carrying the weight of the relationship is not loving, it is enabling. Not meeting their all their needs, demands (or desires), does not make us unloving or cold. Love never demands, it gives. God loves us unconditionally. He loved us first. Healthy people can give and receive love without conditions.

*Lack of trust – Relying on people feels like a dangerous proposition usually because our experience with unhealthy people says they think about what pleases them at the moment, not what is wisest for them or others. Their choices that show lack of consideration for others are hurtful and sometimes cruel. Whether we are the addict or we live with one, constant betrayal leads to suspicion. It becomes difficult to trust, not only those we live with, but anyone.

*Desire for vs. fear of intimacy – Being intimate requires vulnerability. We long to be known and close to others, but we fear them knowing us. Since it’s impossible to be intimate with someone we don’t trust or be vulnerable when we fear disclosure, we can run in and out of relationships. In a healthy relationship, we accept and are accepted without conditions, but addicts hide to alleviate feelings of shame. We leave people guessing about who we really are. Or, we wonder why we can’t seem to get close to the other person. We may try to detach ourselves emotionally from others to feel safe, but that isn’t healthy. Or we may need to detach from someone who is cruel or abusive. Unfortunately, they may then accuse us of being cold or distant. Either way, intimacy eludes or strangles us.

*Seeking fulfillment in other areas – When one area of addiction isn’t enough anymore to keep us numb, our children may become our emotional stability or our work, hobbies, friends, food, shopping; we may even turn to alcohol, drugs, or adulterous relationships to feel better about ourselves and our lives. Unfortunately, the feeling of fulfillment is temporary and we end up setting or continuing patterns that will eventually destroy us and others we love.

When addiction of any type becomes consistent, it grooves patterns in our soul and in our brain. But addiction is only a symptom of a deeper issue. Once we take time to heal the hurts of our life, and make a conscious effort to create new patterns, we find we no longer need the thing we were addicted to. However, depending on each individual situation, some addictions can take days, months or years to overcome.

There is no quick fix for an unhealthy lifestyle and it’s damage.

But there is hope. The Bible said that it’s for our freedom that Jesus Christ came. God loves us and longs for our lives to be abundant and prospering (I’m not talking just about money here). He hurts when we hurt and wants to heal our pain. When we let him REVEAL what’s underneath the issues, and we choose to DEAL with the problems, he can HEAL us so we won’t need something else.

It’s a journey. Join me?

Journey Into Darkness

July 8, 2018

Sometimes in order to find light, we must journey into darkness.

I stumbled upon this great video of Kristene DiMarco, worship leader at Bethel Church in Redding, California, who tells the story of her time spent in San Francisco when she found herself in the middle of an overwhelming, dark place. God used that season of her life to speak to her about him, about her and about the world around her.

Her profound thoughts describing her journey direct us in ways that will take us forward into more of what God has for us.

I can’t add to what she’s shared.

But I guarantee if you watch only a part of this video, you will be opening a place of light in your life, especially if you find yourself in a dark, confusing or questioning place.

Thank you, Kristene, for sharing from your heart, the heart of God for all of us.

What’s God’s Vision for You?

April 25, 2018

Sometimes you see more with a camera and sometimes you see less.

The other day I went walking through a nearby park where I’ve taken some wonderful pictures of birds, alligators and flowers. But this time I opted to leave the camera behind. As I strolled along, I took in the expanse of scenery. The panoramic view, if you will.

Stunning blue skies, a few wispy white, feather clouds and new blossoms in rainbow variety painted a pastoral landscape. I took it in while the sun warmed my back and the wind teased my hair around my face.

I found a new little alcove hiding a covered bench that overlooked a portion of the lake. The path was new to me, and a smile rushed out of me at the treasure I’d discovered.

Peering over the railing, I rested in the shade and a small movement caught my attention. An orange and green shelled turtle, skirted its way around some cow lily leaves. The surrounding leaves and yellow flowers camouflaged the tiny swimmer.

It was in that moment that I realized sometimes I see more with my camera and sometimes less. It all depends on what I’m looking for or at. My camera allows me to zoom in from far off and look at things more closely, but I then miss everything in the peripheral.

Had I been looking through the camera lens, I may have missed the tiny turtle hidden among the leaves. I was glad to have been taking in the scene without it.

Later, I spied a white headed bird perched on a tree in the distance.

I live in one of the areas fortunate enough to house bald eagles. We see them more than occasionally. They are a wonder to watch and for a moment, I wished I had my camera so I could zoom in across the lake and see if the bird in question was indeed one the those magnificent creatures. (Eventually, I discovered it wasn’t.)

It all depends on what you’re looking for.

Sometimes I take my camera to my kids’ sports games. I love catching them in action and having a snapshot memory of the event. But when I’m focused on them, I miss the game. Most days, I’d rather see the entire picture than simply one specific scene.

I believe life with God is like that.

I’ve written about looking ahead to the vision , but keeping our eyes on today so we don’t get overwhelmed by the longevity of the road ahead.

But I also see how sometimes we can get so focused in on something that we miss what’s going on around us. Our journey may be centered on a particular path, but there is an entire landscape surrounding us on that journey.

Both are valuable.

Each day, I ask God

“What do you want me to see today?”

“What is your vision for me?”

“What is your plan?”

He may want me to embrace the bigger picture of my life and all that’s happening. He may want me to see something closer – a trait he’s working on in me, or a way I handled something well, or a hurting neighbor.

God’s vision encompasses past, present and future so he sees far beyond anything I can imagine. With him, I can take in the entirety of a day, a week, a year or a life purpose. If I tune into him, he can point my vision in the best directions. And like a camera zooming in to see beauty up close, God also directs me to see things I may miss.

What’s God’s vision for you today?

“He who forms the mountains, who creates the wind, and who reveals his thoughts to mankind, who turns dawn to darkness, and treads on the heights of the earth— the Lord God Almighty is his name.” Amos 4:13

A Sneak Peak

March 12, 2018

A Journey of Broken Faith

I’m all about taking our lives forward into more abundance. When we deal with our past, God can heal us, offer us hope and redeem the broken places in our heart. That’s why I’m so excited about my new book, Rachel’s Son. Rachel’s heart has been broken by the murder of her son, and that’s not the only challenge she faces.

As a result, she’s shattered and lost, not understanding God or his purposes. She can’t get past the pain to find freedom, love and life again.

Ever felt that way?

Yeah, I have too. But what I’ve learned is that by pushing through the pain, not hiding it, ignoring it, denying it or burying it, we will step into an abundance of joy. But it’s not easy. It’s scary. And it hurts. It may even feel as if we won’t survive.

It may take us months, or years or decades, but when we finally decide to step through, like pushing through the wardrobe or sea in Naria, we will learn to live again.

“The deeper my past sorrow, the greater my present joy.” Simeon, Rachel’s Son

Rachel’s journey is a grueling one, maybe like yours and mine have been. But with God there is hope, healing and redemption.

Rachel’s Son releases on March 20th. I thought you might like a sneak peak 😉

“‘A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more.’” Matthew 2:18

Chapter 1

Rachel pulled a loaf of crusty bread from the fire as the ground began to quake. Terrifying reverberations shattered the morning peace. Thundering hooves. Neighing horses. The roar of an approaching army.

Micah!

She dropped the bread and lurched for the front door.

Within seconds an army flooded the village. Soldiers on horseback pounded through the street, weapons ready. Children scattered, mothers screaming their names. A two-year-old lay trampled in the dirt. Another ran, wailing. A soldier speared him through the back. A man jumped off his steed and forced his way into the home next door. Rachel’s neighbor shrieked, “My baby, my baby!”

The soldier reappeared, blood covering his hands.

Rachel froze, her knees buckled beneath her.

“Micaaaah!” She stumbled into the road, darting between horses, “Micah!” A roughened hoof clipped her hip. She fell to her knees and crawled out of its path. Dust caked her face, the stench of blood suffocating her.

Her closest friend, Elisabeth, staggered from her house, the battered body of her baby son in her arms. Her keening tore through Rachel’s heart.

“Stop!” Rachel forced herself to her feet. “Stop!”

A grim soldier scooped up a toddler and dashed his brown, curly head against the stone wall of his home. A woman laid crumpled outside her door, a swaddled baby in her arms. Their blood pooled together in the dirt.

Bile rose in Rachel’s throat. Chest heaving, her muddled thoughts rushed over each other in a torrent. The only clarity in the chaos was the certainty that Micah was dead.

She dodged around the corner of their house. Her worst fear materialized. His chubby little hand still clutched a stone he had been playing with. A shriek pushed out of her.

“Nooo!”

“Oh, dear Jehovah, please no.” A bleak whisper tumbled from her lips as she stumbled to his body now crumbled in a tiny crimson heap. She fell on her knees in the wet dirt where earlier he had played, stacking rocks and chattering to himself.

“Miicaaah!” The scream burst from her lips as she scooped him up, hugging him to her chest.

“Oh, Micah.” She wailed, rocking his bloody body back and forth.

Her only son. Her miracle from Jehovah.

Why? Why? Her heart screamed. What kind of war was waged against helpless, innocent children?

Look for Rachel’s Son on Amazon March 20th. The digital version will be FREE for a limited time.

For updates as well as behind the scenes information and extra material not found on the blog, sign up for my email list here.

How to Keep on Track

December 11, 2017

Biking to work this week revealed more insights for moving ahead.

My path to our new work office stretches over a variety of sections of roadway. I travel through a quiet residential area to a busy road, a roundabout, another street without a bike lane, a private, peaceful gravel road and finally a long highway with a wide biking path.

It was on that last stretch that I had an “ah-ha” moment.

At every quarter mile, written in spray paint on the asphalt path, were fractions marking off the measurements. I assume the mile markers were created by a surveyor.

And was I ever grateful.

Because when I rode over the first one, I felt a glimmer or hope. I had ridden a quarter of a mile on that long stretch of highway. I looked up, but the scenery held only trees–no hint of the buildings that would promise my destination.

But before I knew it, I’d passed the next marker.

Half a mile, then three quarters of a mile and finally a mile and a quarter. I kept my focus on the road just ahead and with each marker, encouragement grew in me and so did a sense of accomplishment.

The next time I looked up, I saw my office building in the distance.

It amazed me how much shorter that ride seemed when I looked at small increments of progress rather than keeping my focus in the distance hoping for a glimpse of my future goal.

Isn’t life like that?

I believe God gives us a vision for what he has planned for us. I believe he has good things he created for us and created us for. And he gives us a sense of what those plans are. Maybe a desire in our heart or a passion for a vocation, helping a group of people or creating a solution to a problem.

But in my experience, those plans rarely happen within my time frame.

More often, I end up in what seems like a detour in my life. Writing books has taken years. Speaking to groups has been sporadic. My financial business is on hold. I was forty-seven when I finally met my husband, the man my heart adores. And now it is taking far longer than I ever imagined to work out some issues in our marriage.

Taking my life forward has starts, stops and twisting roads.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve heard God clearly. Or maybe I made a wrong turn and it’s taking longer because God is trying to get me back to where I took a path I thought was the only way to go.

Or maybe he’s developing me for the plans he has.

But what this week taught me, is that while it’s good to keep looking up and making sure I’m heading in the right direction to the vision or goal, I’ll make better progress if I’m focusing on what is right in front of me. One step at a time, one day at a time, one quarter of a mile at a time.

It’s the eating an elephant thing.

Tackling a five mile ride (okay, so I’m a little wimpy you pro-cyclists) happens each day in sections. When I get through one, I can focus on the next one. As I pass each marker, I’m that much closer to my destination.

Life is a journey.

Each plan or vision God has for us is tackled daily or sometimes hourly. Whether it’s a career choice, a relationship, or overcoming an addiction, each small step adds up to making it to our goal. And along the way, we’re being equipped to handle the challenges of that future vision.

Just like my wimpy muscles are getting stronger each day. Eventually five miles will seem like a ride around the block.

At least I hope so!

What’s a vision, goal or destination you feel is taking longer than you hoped? What can you focus on that will make the journey more hopeful and enjoyable? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below or email me at laurabennet14@gmail.com

How to Move Forward by Turning Around

July 25, 2017

The other day on my way to an appointment, I completely missed the street I was supposed to turn on. I had been looking for it, but as I chatted with my passenger, I became distracted and drove right past my turn off.

A couple of miles down the road, an uneasiness rumbled in my stomach.

Could I have not seen the street?

I mentioned to my friend my confusion and the street I had been looking for. “Oh, it’s back there. Right after the bridge.”

No way.

How did I get so mixed up that I missed it?

Naturally, I turned around as soon as possible and went back to the place I made my mistake. Within minutes, I was heading the right direction, anxiety gone. From that point, my friend and I navigated to our destination.

The incident reminded me of repentance.

It’s a word most of us don’t like. We cringe and pull away from the idea of it maybe recalling a man yelling on a street corner about us going somewhere awful.

But the word actually means to turn back or turn around.

We can think of it as changing our mind. Not continuing to think the way we’ve been thinking.

Changing our direction.

Like in my story, a few things can get us headed in the wrong direction:

We may be easily distracted and get off track.
We may make a mistake in ignorance and miss the mark.
We may believe that our way is right or best even though we are wrong.

The good news is that God is faithful to help us discover our blunder by:

That uneasy feeling in our heart or mind – it alerts us to stop and check things.
Someone points out our mistake.
We end up stuck at a dead end or lost and confused.

When we see our dilemma, God offers help and relief not judgment. The quicker we are to acknowledge our mistake, and turn around, the sooner we will find peace. The correct road opens up, and we are moving forward in life again.

Here are some indications we are repentant people:

If we’re willing to say “I was wrong.”
If we’re willing to be corrected.
If we are horrified by what we have done – acknowledging the damage or potential hurt to God, ourselves and others who may be affected by our choice.
If we don’t get stuck in beating ourselves up. True repentance removes our sin and the guilt.
If we are willing to let go of our wrong conclusion and embrace truth in its place.
If we don’t presume that we’re simply misunderstood and can make others believe our misconception if we just keep telling them enough times.
If we are willing to accept consequences of our wrong choices.

God encourages us to make a U-turn.

He wants us to have a good journey and end up in good places. So much so that if we keep on the wrong path, he will allow the pressure of consequences to turn us away from something that will end up hurting us worse than the pain of the situation.

At one point in my life, I hated the idea of repentance.

Being wrong about anything brought shame, condemnation and meant awful things would happen to me so I determined at a young age that I simply couldn’t ever be wrong. Obviously that didn’t work out very well. All of us make mistakes for any number of reasons and denying that we do drags us into stuck dead-end roads in life. I confess it’s not always easy to change our mind and go a different way. But if we want to move forward in life, it’s a choice we must make.

This resource, Fruitful Repentance by Daniel Brown, is what helped change my thinking.