Tag: wedding

The Miracle of Us

May 22, 2020

Marriage isn’t easy.

I don’t want to burst any bubbles out there, but what begins as a miracle of seemingly chance encounters and that sudden knowing that this person is the one, takes some work to maintain.

At the start, that person, who you swear you’ve always known somehow even though you’ve only just met, sweeps you off your feet. You confess you’ll never love another and  he or she is your one and only love.

If you’re anything like us, you witness miracles, maybe a dozen or more (in our case) that let you know with certainty that this is meant to be. You say yes to the proposal and the dress and begin planning your dream day. For us that happened across two continents. COVID-19 long distance has nothing on us!

The wedding is pure bliss even with its few unplanned mishaps (like our crystal champagne flutes that didn’t show up on time), and you waltz from the dance floor to the honeymoon in ecstasy.

We did. Ahh…

Then begins reality.

The moment when the fairy tale becomes real life.

The best love story comes after the wedding. I have a quote something like that framed with a picture of us a year after the wedding. The best comes when you fight through the worst. The worst of both of you, the worst circumstances, the worst heartache. All of that brings out the best of your love story.

The rest of our story will be told in Beyond the Miracle: When the FairDSC_0002y Tale Meets Reality, but until its release (projected for May 2021), we celebrate the now of this year’s anniversary with a throw-back to where it all began.

In honor of our eleventh anniversary, The Miracle of Us: Confessions of an Online Dater is FREE on Amazon for your holiday weekend reading.

Get your e-book copy here.

What are some of your wedding or marriage miracles?

Cricket Anyone?

June 2, 2012

Another excerpt from “The Miracle of Us: Confessions of Two Online Daters”

Brendan and I sneaked off without kids to watch a cricket match…

It appealed to my sense of adventure to leave at bedtime for a night out. I grabbed Brendan’s hand as we went outside to the car.

“Isn’t it fun to sneak out this late? Like two kids instead of middle aged parents?” I kissed him, and he gave me his “indulging Laura” chuckle.

“Silly girl. I love you. Get in. Cricket and a beer are waiting.”

My turn to chuckle. I was finally getting used to my Aussie man and his beer. Sports of any kind couldn’t be played or watched without beer. People couldn’t be visited without taking beer. A hot day required beer. At our wedding we would have ginger beer. Thank goodness for World Market making a touch of Australia available in the States.

Cricket.

A long, flat bat and a narrow, extended playing space enclosed by nets. Those were my first observations. Then Brendan proceeded to explain to me that this was the indoor version of cricket which varied from the actual outdoor game. Still, the game enthralled me with its speed and well placed batting of the ball. I found it fascinating. Trying to understand the terms, scoring and “foreign” accents proved a bit challenging, and being one of few women present added to the intimidation. But, I thoroughly enjoyed watching and learning.

I really tried not to drive Brendan crazy with too many questions, but he explained things to me as if I already understood the game except that particular question. And since I didn’t understand anything, I usually ended up with more questions as a result of his answers, not less.

Brendan tossed back a beer while I sipped on water. His sarcastic Aussie teasing punctuated minimal conversation. I was content to simply sit quietly and take in five matches in progress at the same time. Most of the time I couldn’t understand the guys’ comments or accents, especially not above the cracking of solid balls against bats and the players’ roaring cheers.

I truly appreciated the sport and would have liked more time to watch this popular, intriguing game of fours, sixes and wickets.

Brendan assured me that the outdoor version played over five days would have bored me with hair tearing tedium.

I wasn’t so sure.

Any cricket enthusiasts out there? Willing to share your experience?

Relationships

February 18, 2012

I confess that writing a blog while writing a book on the same topic is a little tricky especially when they aren’t exactly coinciding. My blog is ahead of my book, but I realize I’ve left parts out…crucial parts, and I tend to feel tempted to go back and fill in the blanks. For those of you following our online dating story, that may thrill you, and yet as in any good book or movie I don’t want to give away the ending.

Okay, so for those of you who know us, you know the ending already. Many of you were there at our wedding. So it’s a little like telling a story backwards. And as I’ve said, that’s a bit tricky.

In spite of the temptations and expectations, what I feel led to write today, while it may not seem pertinent to the ongoing story, is the bottom line of pertinence.

Relationships.

Relationships no matter with whom, are complicated and difficult. And amazingly wonderful. And we won’t grow without them.

Last night after hearing a bit of our story, a young woman posed a question to my husband and I that went something like “So do you still feel like you’re in the honeymoon stage? Is the romance still there?”

Very good questions. With multiple levels of answers. Which is why I think I feel drawn to the issue of relationship today.

The easy answer is yes and no. Our honeymoon introduced the “end” of the honeymoon “phase” (our first real fight), and yet we often gaze at each other with eyes and hearts of honeymooners. We feel the romance of our love, devotion and miracle story frequently and deeply, but we also sometimes look at each other and wonder (like all couples) “what the heck is going on, how did we get here and how do we do this?”

My husband and I just started reading Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge. It’s a book about marriage being a picture of God’s love story with us. Before we finished the introduction, I was crying and my husband was tearing up. It’s that powerful, honest, encouraging and hopeful. I’m so grateful that someone has the guts to talk about the struggles in their marriage, not with the shame and embarrassment that we all feel, but with the transparent truth that shouts out “the emperor has no clothes!” Aren’t we all sighing with relief when someone finally states  the obvious that no one else will dare utter? Marriage is hard, and we don’t get it. I’m crazy in love with this person that bewilders me and makes me want to punch them at times. By the way, is that okay? Are we doomed then to be a statistic or is there hope for us?

Sometimes it’s hard to admit that the fairy tale isn’t working out as we imagined it would, but what I’m learning is that the fairy tale is true and happily-ever-after IS possible, it just takes a little more hard work and perseverance  than movies ever have time for. It’s okay to struggle and to let people know we need help. It’s not only okay, it’s normal, typical and to be expected. The problem is that we just don’t expect it, and then panic when difficulty comes and we aren’t sure how to handle it.

One of the best (and most frequent) encouragements we have received from other further-along-in-marriage couples is the concept of being on the same team. We love each other; that’s a given. So instead of fighting each other and each other’s baggage, we want to learn to fight together on behalf of each other. How can I help my husband become all God intends for him to be? How does he do the same for me? We can apply this to relationships with siblings, friends and parents as well, not only spouses.

Next week maybe I’ll fill in some of the blanks of our story, though not so much as to keep you from wanting to read the book, but for now let’s just say that marriage is a fantasy, a reality, a dream worth pursuing and fighting for. And, we win in the end. Isn’t that what romance is all about?

It Only Gets Better

February 3, 2012

By the time we had Brendan’s police report, medical clearances (sealed in unopened envelopes), birth certificates, death certificate, copies of current passports and the copied stack of all the original application paperwork, we only had a few weeks left until our wedding. We had booked airline tickets for Brendan and the kids because we felt confident that we had trusted God and followed the steps he put in front of us. The only way now was if he came through. I confess that we were sweating a bit and our faith was stretched pretty thin.

The final step was procuring the actual visas for their trip here. I researched both online and on the phone to make sure we knew exactly what to do, where, how much it would cost and what time frame we could expect. The information given clearly stated that Brendan could hand over the sheaf of required papers and if it was all there and in order (which we knew from checking it a hundred times it was), they would probably–no  guarantees– stamp the approval and hand over his visas within two days. Maybe even that very afternoon.

Now, it may seem like at that point it should have been easy, but Brendan and the kids had to fly to Sydney, a three hour flight, and be there when they opened at 8 a.m. in order to schedule an interview for the elusive visas. Of course that meant booking flights, taking kids out of school and arranging for them all to stay with Brendan’s brother-in-law. Not impossible, but certainly challenging in some proximity. And, as I reminded my darling absent-minded professor type, “Don’t forget the paperwork, honey!”

We were pretty anxious that day, vacillating between excitement and fear. I barely got to sleep as Brendan boarded the plane. His flight for America left in two days time so if they didn’t give him the visas, we didn’t know what we would do next. At home, my bridesmaids all scurried about with me completing the final details for flowers, reception food, dresses and jewelry as our wedding was only twelve days away.  Not only that, but I had moved into the house we hoped to live in and was buying beds, bedding, towels and all the necessities Brendan and the kids wouldn’t be able to bring with them. And still we didn’t know if the groom would arrive in time.

At Brendan’s house, friends were selling off his things and packing up the rest to make room for the people who would be renting it. I still don’t know how they all did it, but I am eternally grateful!

Brendan arrived at the consulate in Sydney with the kids and presented the papers with the hopes of coming back later that afternoon to pick up the visas. They assigned him an interview time later that afternoon. With a very small thread of hope, Brendan and the kids went to spend a few hours with their uncle Eric. Finally, Brendan returned at the designated time and handed over the papers. The interview took only a few minutes.

“Ok, it looks like everything’s in order.” (Letting out breath in relief)

“You should receive your passports with visas in the mail in just a few weeks,” the clerk told him cheerfully. (Stopped breathing again.)

“What??” Brendan gasped. “We were informed that if everything was in order, we could pick up the visas in person later in the day. I don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry sir. We don’t do that anymore. It’s all by mail now. We could expedite it.”

“That doesn’t work. We have to catch a flight for the States the day after tomorrow. Isn’t there any way you can make an exception? I’m getting married in less than two weeks!”

“I’m very sorry sir, but there’s nothing I can do. I’ll enter all the information in the computer, but it has to clear in the United States so it will take a number of days.”

He punched in the information…B E N N E T,  B R E N D A N and listed each of the children as well. Upon hitting the enter button, he turned back to Brendan as if to apologize again, but something on the screen caught his attention. He did a double-take.

“I don’t believe this. It cleared. I really don’t understand how this happened. This NEVER happens. But you’re all cleared.” He stamped everything and handed them to Brendan. “Here are your passports and visas. Good luck, mate.”

In stunned amazement, Brendan called me immediately to share the news.

“Oh my gosh, Brendan. Thank you Jesus! I can’t believe it. I’m so relieved!” and we both cried.

“Hey, darl, what time is it there?”

“Uh…a few minutes before five in the morning. Why?”

“Well, that means that even in New York it isn’t 8 a.m. yet, right?”

A moment of revelationary silence and then,”So offices aren’t even open…” we said together in awe. God had done it again.

Miracles Happen…Immigration Still Continuing

January 28, 2012

A week after we found out that Brendan’s police report would take 6-8 weeks, which would be 1-3 weeks past our planned wedding, Brendan decided to call and check on the progress anyway. Turns out, a clerical error had caused his paperwork to be misplaced. Could things get worse? Initially, it didn’t seem like it. But the bad circumstances ended up being great because the clerk was so apologetic about messing up that he put a rush on it, and Brendan was able to pick up the report just a few days later. What had seemed like the worst situation possible, actually made way for the impossible to happen!

Perhaps you’ve seen or heard of any number of renditions of the “That’s Good, That’s Bad” skit in which two characters dialogue about something bad that happens which turns out to be good, but leads to something that seems bad, and so the script continues on and on comically until it ends with something unexpectedly good.

This felt like one of those situations, and if we hadn’t been so serious in our pursuits, we might have laughed over it. As it was, we were stunned and excited.

It’s that way with God. Everything that starts out bad turns out being good–usually in ways that we would never imagine or expect and sometimes even humorously. We don’t see the whole big picture, and we can never tell what God is doing behind the scenes. That’s bad you might say because we worry about things, fear things and get upset about things when we don’t know what will happen. But really, that’s good because if God sees the bigger picture that we can’t, he’s also able to do things we would not think about. And because he’s God, he can make things happen to work out for us…like misplaced papers.

There’s a verse in the Bible that says that God makes everything work out for our good and so people will know he’s God, when we love him and trust him to. Boy, did we have opportunities to practice that! And that seems bad, but really it was good!

Immigration Continued Part 2…

January 13, 2012

Two weeks passed and we had less than two weeks until Brian and Carol’s wedding so we no longer expected that Brendan would be able to move here in time. Our plan B was for him to at least visit and be Brian’s best man, but even that couldn’t be managed as he tried to get business and household stuff in order for moving. Plus, his coming for a visit while his visa paperwork was in process could be viewed as his trying to get in illegally. In the end, he bought me a ticket to come back to Australia just a few days after the wedding. It seemed like the only option to address our misery of separation.

As we counted down to Carol’s wedding with no visa papers approved, Brendan and I realized that we would have to postpone our original wedding date as well. By that point, I actually felt okay about it. I called the wedding director at our church and told her the news. With gracious encouragement, she assured me that we could keep planning and adjusting as necessary. We checked out dates in May–I think there was only one open, and the next date was in July. I wanted to trust God for May.

Having Brendan miss out on Carol and Bri’s wedding broke my heart, but their day turned out to be beautiful, and I sent Carol off, a married woman, with kisses, hugs and tears of joy as well as some sadness. A few days later I left for Australia still with no visa paperwork in sight. It had only been a month so I tried to be realistic about my expectations while trusting that God could still do a miracle and shorten the time. Little did I know that while I was flying to Australia, someone was reviewing our paperwork.

The kids began to ask when they would be moving to America for the wedding. We talked to them honestly telling them that we had to just keep praying and trusting God with the timing. Blair said he wanted the visas right then and had a feeling they were ready. We wondered at his little boy understanding, but actually, when he said that, the approval was being stamped and mailed.

The papers were in my mailbox when I returned home. It had taken only six weeks–a step that was supposed to take six months at least! Naturally I called Brendan as soon as time zones would allow in order to give him the good news…and the bad; there was still a mountain of paperwork to be filed by him in Australia. This was just the initial approval. It said that if we hadn’t heard from the Australian consulate in four weeks’ time, we could contact them for further instruction…

Immigrating Continued…

January 13, 2012

Despair is the word I used in my journal to describe my feelings about missing Brendan and expecting government bureaucracy to cooperate with our plans to be reunited for an April wedding. I woke up every morning feeling sad with my heart achy and restless for him. I watched Brendan’s eyes show the same despair every time I talked with him.

I prayed feverishly for God to intervene, to make me patient, to ease the pain in my aching heart and to give me a bigger perspective. After all, Brendan and I would have our whole lives together; I had waited this long, what was a few more months…or gulp, a couple of years?

WAIT! My viewpoint was that I had ALREADY waited this long to have Brendan in my life, why did I have to wait longer?? Couldn’t I  figure out something that didn’t have to do with waiting? Maybe I should just go to Australia and marry him there even if it meant having to come home again without my husband. Couldn’t I have a guarantee that all the paperwork would miraculously be whisked to the top of whatever million applicant file it was in, stamped immediately and we’d call it good? Truth is, life just doesn’t work that way. But I asked God anyway and apparently, he does work that way.

God used the waiting time to show me how afraid of authority I still was. The unreasonable, incompetent government was in complete control over my future is how I saw it, but really God wanted me to see that HE was in control, even over the immensely huge and impersonal institution of the government. He showed me how situations in my past had caused this fear and distrust of authority and how it had affected my life over the years. He wanted me to be free. He wanted me to believe that he could and would do whatever good he planned for me even when it looked like I was helpless. He also taught me that one step at a time would get me where I needed to be and not to fret about the future, the past and what didn’t seem to be happening.

I also felt that the whole situation and the process of waiting for a miracle wasn’t just about us–it was to create a miracle for others to witness when they heard our story. Carol reminded me that God was giving us a testimony in our story, which is exactly what we had prayed for! We wanted others to be encouraged by what we were going through. And in the meantime, I started to learn how to live one day at a time.