Not My Will


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On the night Jesus was taken into custody, he went to the garden to pray. He asked his disciples to pray as well.

“Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” Luke 22:40

The word for fall in the original language is actually “enter. In all the years of reading this verse, I always thought Jesus wanted them to pray for him, and I didn’t understand what temptation they would “fall” into.

However, recently in reading this I had a different perspective.

Jesus, in his actions and focus before going to the cross, was giving the disciples (and all of us) an example of how to face suffering. He knew that persecution, torture, and death were coming not only for him, but also for many of his followers.

While we weren’t there in the garden, but I believe, based on the words we do know, that Jesus was praying for God’s strength to allow him to surrender to his Father’s will; for God’s glory and our redemption to be accomplished.

For a greater purpose than simply not suffering.

Perhaps the temptation we can enter is running away from hard things in fear; to decide that God would never allow suffering; to choose our will over his.

That’s our natural inclination, right? Who wants to suffer?

Remember when Jesus told the disciples what was ahead, but Peter refused to accept it? Jesus told him that he was listening to/speaking like Satan. Jesus said he didn’t have the things of God in mind. (Matt.16:23)

When I examine these scriptures together, it makes me consider a purpose beyond my assumptions.

I know that Isaiah 53 tells us that Jesus took our pain, and that by his wounds we are healed. I truly believe that healing is ours because Jesus took all of God’s wrath for our sin on him. Those blows to his body were meant for me, but he interceded on my behalf.

But I’m a little more cautious of believing that Jesus heals because he doesn’t allow suffering, and that his death means we shouldn’t need to suffer. We live in an evil world in which Jesus himself said we would have trouble. Many followers of Jesus have suffered greatly and still are. Yes, he has overcome the world by his death and resurrection, and one day we will live without suffering of any kind.

But everything he does is to lead us to him. To reveal his glory and bring us good.

I think the problem is that we only see suffering as bad. We see death as bad. Paul claimed that to die was gain.

Of course that is our initial and normal view. We’re human and don’t want to experience any kind of pain physically, emotionally, or mentally. It hurts. We are naturally built to avoid pain. I don’t purposely set my hand on a fire. I’m sure you don’t either. And I’m not suggesting we should look for it.

But what if suffering is what turns our heart to God? Or develops a maturity in us that is like Christ?

Yes! I want to be healed. I believe 100% that Jesus is my healer. I proclaim that every day. BUT I’m so grateful for every way suffering and pain has humbled me, brought me to my knees, and forged such a sweet intimacy with Jesus.

I pray the way I handle suffering brings glory to him. I pray the manifestation of my healing does the same. But what if the way I deal with my pain brings more glory to him and causes me to be closer to him than healing me would?

I know the enemy uses pain; inflicts more on me in times when God is doing something big in our lives. He tries to weaken me and make me tempted to sin in my pain. It’s easier to lash out, be cynical, or become bitter and discouraged. I’m definitely at my weakest in pain.

And that is when God is my strength. In pain is when I cry out to Jesus even more; pray in the Spirit because I don’t have words; and seek his power more because I simply don’t have any. It’s where I’ve learned to rest in him.

In that place, I pray I respond graciously to life in spite of the pain instead of becoming bitter and complaining. If so, I show his victory in me and bring glory to God.

Jesus asked if there was another way. Could the cup of suffering be removed from him? He asked his followers to pray in the same way he prayed. He knew they would face suffering just as he was about to. But his choice was surrender and to proclaim, “Not my will.”

I’m so grateful he chose surrender and humility. Aren’t you?

Can I do that? Can we chose that?

This is Our God!


Passover starts today.

And it seems that the enemy (aka. Satan, Father of lies, Lucifer, the devil) is pulling out all the stops in a desperate attempt to assert his rebellion against God and every believer in these last days. I don’t know how long the “last days” will last (okay, pun intended), but the increase in spiritual warfare and corresponding revival is obvious.

Riots breaking out at “higher” educational (using that term very loosely) institutions like Columbia and Yale are a clear indication of the terrorism rocking the world—and yes, even blatantly here in the USA.

It makes me cry. Literally.

It may be coincidence, something I ate, or the barometric pressure, but I spent a sleepless night with a migraine, dozing on and off to clean, cheesy romance movies. (The best for catching parts in between sporadic sleep without really missing a thing regarding the plot.)

As a result, I face this Monday, typically filled with excitement for a new week, with exhausted introspection and a sense of hopelessness in my physical state. So much to do, and no energy nor brain power to accomplish most tasks.

So, I’m reflecting on Passover and what it might have felt like for those Israelites who had been held captive as slaves for over four hundred years in a pagan culture that not only did not recognize their God, but adamantly opposed him and sought magicians to mimic the miracles he did through Moses.

Until they could no longer imitate the power of Yahweh.

If you don’t know the history of Moses and his reluctant leading the Hebrew people out of Egypt, here’s the overview: Moses asked Pharoah to let his people go and through numerous plagues, Pharoah said no. The final plague sent because of his hard-hearted refusal to release the captives, was that God would strike dead every firstborn, male person and animal. To protect the Israelites, he told them to sacrifice a lamb and put its blood over their doors so that the spirit of death would pass over their homes. (You can read the entire story in the book of Exodus chapters 1-15.)

By the way, that was a foreshadowing of Jesus, the Lamb of God, who would later shed his blood for us to cover our sin and conquer death. (FYI in case you weren’t aware.)

Back to the point.

I thought about how those Hebrew slaves might have felt, after living in captivity in a culture that worshiped idols and false gods. I’m certain that some of their history must have been passed down by those who solidly believed in Yahweh, but four hundred years is a long time to hold onto beliefs in the face of constant opposition from society.

Ring a bell, America? (1620 Plymouth…2020…) Just a thought.

Again, I regress.

I can imagine them cowering in their homes, hoping that when death moved through the streets, their obedience to crazy instructions from God through Moses to paint blood over their doorways would turn out to be true. Huddled together, they had no choice but to trust that Yahweh would protect and free them.

Today, as Passover begins, there are those cowering in fear in Israel and surrounding areas because of terror and captivity. There are also people in captivity all over the world—many in devastating or dire circumstances, and others in captivity to addiction, sin, mental delusions, or lesser, but still stressful situations.

Some of us know that the blood of Jesus saves us when we put our trust in him. Others may not know that or don’t want to believe it.

But just as God rescued his people then, and gave a foreshadowing of his rescue for all people to come, his word is true.

I know this. I’ve lived it. I’ve seen it. God loves us and is faithful.

So today as Passover commences, in spite of my own personal challenges that seem pretty minor compared to many, I proclaim:

THIS IS OUR GOD!

This is what he does for those who put their trust in him. Those who take a tiny step of faith, even while cowering in fear and uncertainty, and respond to that love.

Hope. Healing. Redemption.

Jesus.

He is the way, the truth, and the life. Our rescue, our hope, our freedom is found in him.

Today, let us celebrate as they did in Exodus 15:2.

“The Lord is my strength and my defense;
    he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
    my father’s God, and I will exalt him.”

And also continue to pray for those in captivity.


Human trafficking is one type of captivity. If you aren’t aware of the ramifications of it, you might find my novel, Dangerous Ground, helpful. Sometimes, reading a fictional story is an easier way to learn about horrific subjects.

Can the trauma of her past save someone’s future?

Sierra Jane Hart, a Southwest Florida nature guide, witnesses a random murder in the woods. She flees the scene and manages to evade the perpetrators. But when she tries to put the incident behind her, a man attacks her and two young girls go missing. Is there a connection?

Detective Dan Bentley seems to think so.

In their search to uncover the truth, Dan and Sierra are forced to deal with their pasts, and the hunt for the elusive criminals and their captives becomes personal. Will they find the endangered girls before it’s too late?

New Release – New Life


It seems fitting that with Easter right around the corner, I would release a book about new life after death. That’s what Jesus offers us through his death and resurrection. In only a week, we’ll be facing the biggest decision of our life.

Maybe we’ve already chosen to receive the love and forgiveness of Jesus that brought us into an incredible relationship with God, or perhaps we haven’t yet accepted the love and forgiveness Jesus offers.

Either way, at one or multiple times, we’ve probably faced death. Maybe the death of a loved one (praying for those in Mississippi and Nashville) or even the death of a dream or expectations of something good.

What I know from my experience, is that death of any kind hurts. We need to grieve, process, let ourselves be comforted, but only God can bring new life from death.

Both books I’m offering in the next 10 days show the aftermath of where death can take us and where Jesus can take us from there. They hold the Easter message in different ways, but with the same hope of redemption.

My prayer is that aside from the bunnies, peeps, and colored eggs we will be most keenly aware of and receptive to the power that Jesus holds over death – the same power he gives everyone who believes in him. Life is precious. New life is possible.

NEW RELEASE – Available NOW!

FREE e-book on Amazon April 1 – 5th
Charlotte Lane Murphy doesn’t remember the night that will change
her life forever. As she sits in prison worrying about the trauma to her three young children and trying to recall anything that will help her case, she wonders if she’s crazy.

But when defense attorney, Noah Rivers, is assigned to help her where her memory won’t, she’s beyond grateful. Even though Noah disappeared years ago after a mysterious suspension, he’s reluctantly returned to fight in court again. Especially now, since he’s convinced Charlotte isn’t capable of murder. But if she didn’t inflict the fatal wounds, then there must be a killer in the shadows. Is her family in danger?


Noah’s on a mission to uncover evidence to clear Charlotte while she
faces the reality of her abusive marriage and shallow faith. Trusting God to lead them, together they fight to reveal the truth. Is a second chance at a new life possible for
them both?


If you haven’t yet read Rachel’s Story and are a fan of writing or shows that bring the Bible to life ( anybody watching The Chosen? Yes!!), you or a friend might like this book.


Rachel’s only son is murdered by Roman soldiers carrying out Herod’s search for the promised king, Jesus the Messiah. Nothing can console her and in her pain, she makes choices that bring more destruction to her life.

Only Jesus can heal her wounds, but first she must learn to forgive the Forgiver. An Easter story of a broken life needing redemption.

You can get your e-book copy FREE from April 6th – 10th.

Happy Easter! He is risen!

New Release Coming Soon!


Deadly Silence CoverThe benefit of sheltering at home is more time to write. In April, I released A Deadly Silence. Here’s what a few of people have said:

“Sara and Brad’s story gripped me the second I opened the book. Laura Bennet weaves believable storylines and it’s like you are an invisible person witnessing it as it’s taking place. Emotions run high with the characters, but also the reader. Thank you, Laura, for such an outstanding book. Bravo!!!” J.Messmer

“I really couldn’t put this down. I enjoyed reading this, and I was surprised because it’s not usually my reading genre. A definite recommend, especially if you like reading about relationships, family, friendships, overcoming trauma, personal growth, spiritual growth, and learning.” J.N.

“I enjoyed this book as I have all of Laura’s books. Her honest writing style is refreshing in that things don’t always work out the way we think they “should” – just like in real life. This book covers a difficult topic but one that many people face. I’m glad to see an honest take on removing the stigma in talking about issues when they occur. Can’t wait for the next book!” Peggy I.

I’m glad to know readers are anxiously awaiting the next book because it’s almost here! Anticipating an October release, When the Wind Blows, shows how being in community brings hope, healing, and redemption.

when-the-wind-blows-1

Category 4 Hurricane Harriet slams Southwest Florida, throwing six high rise neighbors together in unexpected ways.

Alec and Jessica Freeman can’t seem to make their five-year marriage work, and Jessica’s secret isn’t helping. Author Dylan Davis loses himself in writing books about missing children as therapy for the daughter he lost. Bailey Crenshaw, a free-spirited young woman who’s been on her own since girlhood, finds family with strangers. Older, retired folks, Ralph and Edith Manning wonder if life is over for them, but experiencing trauma with neighbors offers a new sense of purpose. Within community, each one discovers that weathering a storm together is better than surviving alone.

The Effects of Pornography on Our Children


My latest novel, A Deadly Silence, soon to release, tackles the subject of pornography, sexual addiction and its potential for leading to domestic violence.

This deadly force lurks in darkness and silence. Only by speaking about it, can we find hope, healing and redemption. Families are being destroyed, and while we might focus on the spouse of the addict or the person struggling with the addiction, our children reap dire consequences as well.

This letter reveals how much our children suffer.  First seen and re-posted from Faithit.

I want to let you know first of all that I love you and forgive you for what this has done in my life. I also wanted to let you know exactly what your porn use has done to my life. You may think that this affects only you, or even your and mom’s relationships. But it has had a profound impact on me and all of my siblings as well.

I found your porn on the computer somewhere around the age of 12 or so, just when I was starting to become a young woman. First of all, it seemed very hypocritical to me that you were trying to teach me the value of what to let into my mind in terms of movies, yet here you were entertaining your mind with this junk on a regular basis. Your talks to me about being careful with what I watched meant virtually nothing.

Because of pornography, I was aware that mom was not the only woman you were looking at. I became acutely aware of your wandering eye when we were out and about. This taught me that all men have a wandering eye and can’t be trusted. I learned to distrust and even dislike men for the way they perceived women in this way.

As far as modesty goes, you tried to talk with me about how my dress affects those around me and how I should value myself for what I am on the inside. Your actions however told me that I would only ever truly be beautiful and accepted if I looked like the women on magazine covers or in porn. Your talks with me meant nothing and in fact, just made me angry.

As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”. I also learned to trust you less and less as what you told me didn’t line up with what you did. I wondered more and more if I would ever find a man who would accept me and love me for me and not just a pretty face.

When I had friends over, I wondered how you perceived them. Did you see them as my friends, or did you see them as a pretty face in one of your fantasies? No girl should ever have to wonder that about the man who is supposed to be protecting her and other women in her life.

I did meet a man. One of the first things I asked him about was his struggle with pornography. I’m thankful to God that it is something that hasn’t had a grip on his life. We still have had struggles because of the deep-rooted distrust in my heart for men. Yes, your porn watching has affected my relationship with my husband years later.

If I could tell you one thing, it would be this: Porn didn’t just affect your life; it affected everyone around you in ways I don’t think you can ever realize. It still affects me to this day as I realize the hold that it has on our society. I dread the day when I have to talk with my sweet little boy about pornography and its far-reaching greedy hands. When I tell him about how pornography, like most sins, affects far more than just us.

Like, I said, I have forgiven you. I am so thankful for the work that God has done in my life in this area. It is an area that I still struggle with from time to time, but I am thankful for God’s grace and also my husband’s. I do pray that you are past this and that the many men who struggle with this will have their eyes opened.

*This has been posted anonymously due to the nature of the topic.*

Look for A Deadly Silence coming soon!

When Sara Maree Matley uncovers a box of questionable material while unpacking after their family moves, she’s forced to examine the ideal life she’s fought so hard to portray as perfect. Surely her successful, popular husband, Brad, can’t be the owner of the contents. But when Brad’s behavior continues to digress, and Sara deals with her own past, life unravels, and Sara must make one of the hardest choices she’s ever faced.

 

RACHEL’S SON


Rachel's Son Book Cover (2)An Easter story of redemption

Rachel’s only son, two-year-old Micah, is slaughtered by Roman soldiers searching for the prophesied Messiah, sending her life on a trajectory of angry bitterness and further devastation.

Titus, a Roman soldier, harbors a terrible secret and would do anything to rid himself of the guilt he carries. But when circumstances force him to revisit the place of his treacherous deed he can’t reveal the truth.

Unexpectedly thrown together, Rachel and Titus both seek peace, but finding it with each other isn’t enough. Only an encounter with Jesus can force them to face the trauma of their past.

Will Titus release the burden he’s concealed? And what will it take for Rachel to forgive the Forgiver and find life again?

A Sneak Peak


A Journey of Broken FaithRachel's Son Book Cover (2)

I’m all about taking our lives forward into more abundance. When we deal with our past, God can heal us, offer us hope and redeem the broken places in our heart. That’s why I’m so excited about my new book, Rachel’s Son. Rachel’s heart has been broken by the murder of her son, and that’s not the only challenge she faces.

As a result, she’s shattered and lost, not understanding God or his purposes. She can’t get past the pain to find freedom, love and life again.

Ever felt that way?

Yeah, I have too. But what I’ve learned is that by pushing through the pain, not hiding it, ignoring it, denying it or burying it, we will step into an abundance of joy. But it’s not easy. It’s scary. And it hurts. It may even feel as if we won’t survive.

It may take us months, or years or decades, but when we finally decide to step through, like pushing through the wardrobe or sea in Naria, we will learn to live again.

“The deeper my past sorrow, the greater my present joy.”  Simeon, Rachel’s Son

Rachel’s journey is a grueling one, maybe like yours and mine have been. But with God there is hope, healing and redemption.

Rachel’s Son releases on March 20th. I thought you might like a sneak peak 😉

“‘A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more.’”          Matthew 2:18

Chapter 1

Rachel pulled a loaf of crusty bread from the fire as the ground began to quake. Terrifying reverberations shattered the morning peace. Thundering hooves. Neighing horses. The roar of an approaching army.

Micah!

She dropped the bread and lurched for the front door.

Within seconds an army flooded the village. Soldiers on horseback pounded through the street, weapons ready. Children scattered, mothers screaming their names. A two-year-old lay trampled in the dirt. Another ran, wailing. A soldier speared him through the back. A man jumped off his steed and forced his way into the home next door. Rachel’s neighbor shrieked, “My baby, my baby!”

The soldier reappeared, blood covering his hands.

Rachel froze, her knees buckled beneath her.

“Micaaaah!” She stumbled into the road, darting between horses, “Micah!” A roughened hoof clipped her hip. She fell to her knees and crawled out of its path. Dust caked her face, the stench of blood suffocating her.

Her closest friend, Elisabeth, staggered from her house, the battered body of her baby son in her arms. Her keening tore through Rachel’s heart.

“Stop!” Rachel forced herself to her feet. “Stop!”

A grim soldier scooped up a toddler and dashed his brown, curly head against the stone wall of his home. A woman laid crumpled outside her door, a swaddled baby in her arms. Their blood pooled together in the dirt.

Bile rose in Rachel’s throat. Chest heaving, her muddled thoughts rushed over each other in a torrent. The only clarity in the chaos was the certainty that Micah was dead.

She dodged around the corner of their house. Her worst fear materialized. His chubby little hand still clutched a stone he had been playing with. A shriek pushed out of her.

“Nooo!”

“Oh, dear Jehovah, please no.” A bleak whisper tumbled from her lips as she stumbled to his body now crumbled in a tiny crimson heap. She fell on her knees in the wet dirt where earlier he had played, stacking rocks and chattering to himself.

“Miicaaah!” The scream burst from her lips as she scooped him up, hugging him to her chest.

“Oh, Micah.” She wailed, rocking his bloody body back and forth.

Her only son. Her miracle from Jehovah.

Why? Why? Her heart screamed. What kind of war was waged against helpless, innocent children?

Look for Rachel’s Son on Amazon March 20th. The digital version will be FREE for a limited time.

For updates as well as behind the scenes information and extra material not found on the blog, sign up for my email list here.

 

Are You Being Restored?


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A friend, my son and I remodeled a house once.

Planning and designing a new layout for the kitchen, closing in a breakfast nook for a bedroom, re-structuring the fireplace and a bathroom counter afforded hours of fun. Trips to the store for paint swatches, granite and tile felt like an adventure.

And then the actual work began.

At first, we jumped in full of enthusiasm. Even moving the kitchen temporarily to the dining room didn’t deflate our excitement. At least, not until about the third week when dust covered everything in the house, and painting the cabinet doors required an extra coat of paint. Or when standing on a ladder painting crown molding left us with aching arms.

In the end, the place looked amazing and we were proud of our hard hours of labor, but during the process, we often lamented the time, effort and expense of such extensive projects. Exhausted and paint spattered, we spent many evenings sprawled across dusty furniture (somehow not protected by the plastic sheeting we’d erected) wondering if we had what it would take to finish.

I think moving our life forward can be like restoring or remodeling a house.

My life is currently in a state of restoration. I didn’t expect it take this long. (We never do.) But I’m reminded of that project we accomplished and the house shows I love watching like Property Brothers or Fixer Upper. I think there is a correlation.

Sometimes your pipes are leaking. Or a joist is rotted. Maybe the plumbing has rusted through or the electrical wiring is shot. We don’t also see those problems until we’re in the midst of a remodel.

But I trust that God sees all the issues that need fixing in my life.

Each day I ask him to reveal what the current project is and wait for his instruction. Maybe it’s being open to thinking differently about something. Perhaps I need to have a hard conversation with someone. I may need to repent of a behavior, apologize to someone I’ve hurt or forgive a person for hurting me.

At times it requires me digging into the past.

A closet (our heart) can only hold so much junk before it spills out. Wounds from the past can be rotting away a place in our heart like unseen water leaks ruin wood. Old thought patterns can be like wiring that is no longer up to code with a potential to start a devastating fire.

Viewing my life like an old house gives me hope.

If Chip and Joanna Gaines can take a falling apart disaster and turn it into a beautiful, special masterpiece, then God can certainly do the same with my life. It may turn out differently or take a little longer than I expect, but His handiwork is incomparable. He’s in the business of redemption.

Where is your life being restored?

For those who love old house restoration, here’s a link with and interesting story and some great advice:

https://www.oldhouseonline.com/articles/11-tips-for-surviving-a-restoration