Recently I had the pleasure of interviewing a couple of people who met their “significant other” on an internet dating site.Plenty of Fish nearly four years ago. Mary is one of the trainers at the Curves where I work out. When the topic of how I met my husband came up, Mary shared that she had also found love on the internet. Naturally, I wanted to know more about her story.
Laura: Hi, Mary! Thank you so much for agreeing to share your online dating experience with us. First, I have to say that I’m stunned to find that you are sixty-five! You’re so fit and full of energy! You look at least ten years younger.
Mary: Thank you. I lead a physically active lifestyle.
Laura: So Mary, you mentioned that you had been married briefly and divorced, then married and widowed for 32 years. What led you to try internet dating?
Mary: I don’t like to “go out” much, but I missed being around a man. I was more “career woman” oriented. A girlfriend recommended Plenty of Fish, and it sounded fun so I gave it a try.
Laura: Tell us a little about your experiences with online dating before you met Scott.
Mary: Well, I made the mistake of putting my real age in my profile and most men that responded were much older—fifteen to twenty years older! As we mentioned earlier, I live an active life and look younger than I am. But even though I looked younger in my profile picture, I only got a few responses over several months. And as I said, they were in their 70’s and 80’s!
Laura: Did you have any bad experiences?
Mary: No. I had some awkward moments though. A few men who I met on other sites previously, in years past, attempted to reconnect. Two were recovering alcoholics; one was a mentally ill, socially inept man, and the other was recently divorced and feeling used!
Laura: What about Scott’s profile caught your attention?
Mary: His profile was humorous. His photo showed him in a hat. He seemed masculine and comfortable with himself in a relaxed and caring way. He had a good “easy” smile.
Laura: I can relate! My husband’s smile and humor first attracted me! Who made the initial contact? Was it a wink or an email?
Mary: An email from me! I hate being the first to make contact, but I wasn’t getting any bites. My daughter urged me on.
Laura: Then what? How long did you communicate on the site before you met in person?
Mary: We only communicated a few times on the site, I think. Then we met at a bar and grill for drinks and danced to a band.
Laura: So how long was it before you knew you were serious about this relationship? And where do you see it going?
Mary: We became more intimate after a couple of months, but it was about a year before I knew this would be a long term relationship. I’m not sure if we will ever marry, but I can see us staying together. I definitely want to keep him in my life on whatever level works for us both!
Laura: Do you have any advice for our readers about trying online dating?
Mary: I do feel it’s important to internet date with a “welcoming heart and mind.” Be cautious, but curious. Try to put aside expectations. Be open to just experiencing a different person. Men are such alien creatures! Obviously if what has been “attractive” before didn’t work, push yourself to try something different that won’t catch your heart in the usual way.
Laura: Great advice. I think I found myself thinking that as well. Being open to meet someone from another country for example—even though I never anticipated that to happen! Is there anything else you’d like to add?
Mary: I’ve always felt relationships depend on each person’s healthy willingness to receive and give for self-fulfillment. If you don’t value equally the giving and receiving, the relationship won’t be a good thing.
Laura: Well said. I believe you’re right and that applies whether you meet online or in some other way! Thank you so much, Mary, for letting us in on your experiences!
Mary: You’re welcome. It was fun!Look for the next interview coming soon…