Laura Bennet – Author

This is the fourth and final post in our series on grief. If you missed the other three, you can start reading here.

How many losses can one family take?

Recently, I heard of a family who has lost every one of both the husband’s and wife’s relatives within the past three years. The most recent losses came within days of each other. I’ve been praying for that family as they navigate not only current grief, but are still processing the piled-up events of the past few years.

We are living in a precarious world with an evil enemy who will attempt every possible means of destruction. A world far different than the one God created and intended in which man (and woman) communed with him in daily peace and beauty.

There was a period of time in my life during which my ex and I owned a small pizza deli in a rural valley in another state. From the time we purchased the business over the span of four years my eldest fifteen-year-old son left home never to return, my two youngest children were injured in an accident caused by a drunk driver, I battled with the IRS over taxes my ex refused to pay, we lost our home to a corrupt mortgage company (the one with the horses & stagecoach), lost the business, lost our car, and finally ended up in bankruptcy and divorce.

Friendships were changed, jobs came and went, temporary living, and giving up a beloved dog were also losses.

During many of those months, I contemplated suicide and cried out to God. Loss piled up with no opportunity to grieve because all I could do was survive each day and pray for God to get us through to the next one.

A year later, my mother-in-law and dear uncle both passed away within days of each other.

When I list all that out now, I wonder how I did survive. How did my children manage to grow into reasonably functioning adults when their world flipped upside down and sideways with crisis, tragedy, and multiple losses?

It took me many years before I could talk about that season without tears. Some of them still wet my eyes. God and dear friends have helped me navigate each loss over the past two decades now as I’ve experienced joy that has replaced them.

And, of course, additional losses. That is life.

There’s a story in the Bible about King David. He and his men were engaged in battle. When they arrived back at their city called Ziglag, they found it burned and all their women and everyone else in it, young and old, had been taken captive. (I Samuel 30:1-8)

“So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep.”

I love that it was the king and his men who wept. Of course. They were deeply grieved over great loss. Where did we ever get the idea that “big boys don’t cry”? It says that David was greatly distressed.

But here’s the difference between David and his men: the men were so distraught that they talked about killing David. (His fault since he was king?) But David found strength in the Lord. Then he inquired of the Lord about what his next action should be. In the end, they did get their families back, but it wasn’t easy. (I hope you read the entire story.)

It isn’t time that heals all wounds. Time just gives us the opportunity to sit with Jesus so he can heal our wounds. Time spent with friends who listen to us share the hurt and grief. Time is needed when losses pile up on top of each other so we can process the sorrow and grieve over each situation.

As long as we’re not pushing aside the grief indefinitely so that it’s repressed and making us depressed, we can be certain that while we will remember those awful situations, we won’t continue living in their grief any longer.

God wants to re-frame our lives so we can move forward in freedom and joy. In that perspective, our losses become little places of victory, and we gain strength from which we can encourage others.

And no matter what loss we experience, we will never lose the love of God. When we feel dismayed, we can remember that just like King David and others in the Bible, we’re all human and our emotions are created in the image of God. His heart grieves for his children, and when we call out to him in our darkness like a child in the night, he is faithfully patient with us and comes running to comfort us.

Eventually, joy comes in the morning, and God turns our mourning into dancing. (Psalm 30:12)

I hope you’ve found some help and encouragement in this series. I’m still a work in progress myself, but I’m glad to share what I’m learning.

This week’s FREE novel, Where Blows the Wind, is book 2 in the Winds of Redemption series. It shows how multiple, tremendous losses in one woman’s life caused her to hide even when she presented a polished exterior until someone else’s story of loss inspired her to deal with her devastation in a different way. You can get the e-book FREE on Amazon today, Friday November 3 – through the weekend. I hope Tyrina’s story helps someone with their journey.